An Open Letter To YOU

I never really thought about blogging an "open letter" but after reading my friend, T's blog for several years I decided I really liked the concept. She's written several "open letters" here.


Her advice before I started was simple - "Be honest. Take responsibility to what you're contributing to the "relationship" and just write because it, simply, cures all."


So, before I begin I want to say that there is nothing that I've written here that has not been said in person at least once before to this particular person. 


Dear You (you know who you are), 


I've struggled for a very long time with our relationship. There seems to be a misrepresentation between your words and your actions and I've been aware of that for much longer than you know. 


When I think of you the following words come to mind: angry, bitter, hurting, judgmental, cold, controlling and facade. 


Those are definitely not the words I'd like to come to mind, though. They are quite the opposite. I wish a different group of words would flow, but they don't. Long ago I accepted this fact.  


I gave up the grandiose idea and expectation of what I thought we were or should be. I began to realize that I was just an easy target. Could it possibly be because I was one of the few to stand up to you? Was it because I wasn't one that could be controlled and manipulated with the passive-agressive behavior? Could it have been that you knew I could see right through you to the true form and not continue to believe the facade you "put on" for everyone else? 


For so long you actually had me believing that it was me who wasn't thinking or acting rational. I would wrestle with believing that I  had the problem, as you so often told me and that I was really instigating all of the conflict. And more often than not, I actually believed your apology just thinking that you weren't aware of your actions. 


You seem to have such a different perception of my reality. My reality of our time together is dark, ugly, and sad. To deny that would be to deny me. My process is not your process. 


So how have I contributed to this relationship? Well, after many years of reflection, soul searching, and accepting the past I acknowledge that for a certain time I, too, was angry, bitter, hurting, judgmental and cold. For two people to possess those qualities at the same time was a  pool of disaster on a daily basis. 


Night after night for so long, I would lie in bed and cry out and wonder what I could do to change it all. I searched and prayed for the answers. I looked to you for answers only to be thrown blame in my face. I looked to you  for some sort of guidance or map so I could navigate to a better part of our relationship but only ran into judgement and disapproval. Time and time again, I only came up empty. 


As the distance between us grew, I began to see that I could be a completely different person when you weren't around. I could be happy, grateful, hopeful, loving, and unselfish. I learned something that many already knew - "You become what you are surrounded by." I realized that many of my best relationships of the past were ruined by MY SELFISHNESS, MY ANGER, and MY HURT. Everyday I live with remorse and regret to certain people from my past and hope they know that today, I'm a better version of myself. 


I saw myself learn, grow, accept, mature, love, and see outside of myself for the very first time in my life. It was the most exhilarating experience. I couldn't get enough and slowly the tiny dreamer from long ago became the big dreamer of today. I learned one of the keys to happiness - things are not all about you. 


I've replayed moments spent together over and over in my mind and wondered how I could win your true, loving approval. But as I sit here today reflecting over our last interaction, I realize it's not me you're unhappy with, it's you. You cannot be happy with anyone unless you're first happy with yourself. 


I can say that without a doubt I know that I've at least tried daily for many years to change myself for the better in hopes of making all relationships in my life better, including ours.  Despite anything we ever went through, despite the hurts, despite the conflicts, there IS a way to leave behind the bitterness and anger. You have to choose to do that every second at first, and then every minute and then every hour, and then every day. It doesn't come easy - nothing worth having IS. But it's a choice nonetheless.


Next week I turn 35 and I can finally say with confidence that I forgive you and accept that we are what we are together or apart. Honestly, the best thing is love from a far. 


I still hope that one day if only just for one day you can experience true happiness with yourself. That's a gift that no one can give you, but YOU. 




Always grateful, 

A Journey of Thanks

For the past several years, many know I've started one of the #40daysofthankfulness movements on Facebook. There are many people who take part in something similar. It so refreshing to go on and see twitter or Facebook feeds show such positive words as opposed to the typical and sometimes constant complaining, especially during a time when we all should be thankful. 


My #40Days was born during a low point in my life. I was basically feeling like this: "If you spend less time bitching about your life, you'd possibly enjoy it more." 


I was in the middle of a divorce, trying to pull myself up emotionally and going on Facebook hoping to connect with family and friends became a pile of negativity I could not deal with anymore. So, rather than deleting anyone and everyone, I decided to throw out A LOT of GRATITUDE. 


This year the Facebook event I created (40 Days of Thankfulness Challenge) now has over 2,000 people joining in and throwing out gratitude into the world. If you're reading, not part of this movement and would like to join, go here. We typically start the first week of October and end right before Thanksgiving, but there are no rules (except to be thankful and not negate your thanks in the same sentence).  You can start whenever.


Last year, a friend challenged me to an entire year of gratitude. At first I thought there was no way I could pull a daily "thanks" out every single day. But then I realized - I could do it. Then I was determined I would do it.


Today I'm on Gratitude Day 373. :) I made the 365 days, let it collide with my 40 Days of Thankfulness Challenge and am going on to 1,000 gratitudes. 


Something I've found on my journey of thanks is that many people misinterpret my attitude of gratitude into many different things: 

• Her life is perfect.
• She never has a bad day.
• How can she always be so cheery? 
• She thinks she better than all of us who are struggling. 

Um. No. Maybe you don't know my story. If not, wait for the book. I can promise you my life has never been perfect - ever. I do have bad days. There are emotions I'm still dealing with 24 years after the devastation of losing a brother. How can I be cheery? Because I know the other side of the coin - death, divorce, addiction, bitterness.  Better than you?  No. Never. I acknowledge that we ALL struggle, all have a story, all are dealing with pain, and are all trying to find that place of peace daily. 

This wonderful status from my friend and "gratitude ambassador," T, pretty much sums up my feeling about those misinterpretations: Many people assume a positive attitude means lack of struggle or hardship, when in fact, a positive attitude is what pulls us through the difficult times. That person smiling at you has just as much of a battle as you do, they just choose to look at it differently.

Will you choose gratitude when things are not going your way and you seem to be at the bottom of that valley? 

Will you acknowledge all that you have instead of all that you don't? 

Will you choose to look at it all differently, no matter what is going on in your life? 

I hope so. 

Imprinted Words

As I ran my morning run, on the eve of the 1st day of school, I also ran through all of the things I want my girls to know as they begin a new endeavor with new teachers, new lessons, and new life challenges. 


When they started preschool, I reminded them to share and eat their lunch. 


When they started kindergarten, I encouraged them to make new friends, listen to their teacher, and encouraged them to take pride in their art work and school work. 


Now, I have a 5th grader and a 1st grader. 


As the 5th grader begins encountering all of the new realizations about others' actions, words, home life, and the differences to her own life compared to theirs, I find it harder and harder to find the right words to send her off. 


I think it's extremely important for us to leave kids with something empowering and positive. 


Here are some of the things I tell my girls as they leave me for the day: 


" Make someone's day. Make people feel awesome instead of awful." 


"Remember, you are a victor, not a victim!" 


"Attitude of Gratitude! Be ready to tell me your gratitude after school!"




Here are some things that some of my friends say and do before dropping kids off: 


"Who's better than you?" "NOBODY!'


Prayers with kids before leaving for school. 


"Make good choices!" 


"Get your mind off of yourself and bless others!" 


"Do everything without complaining or arguing." 

What do you want those last words to your children be each day? 

#dreamsDOcometrue

Often you will find that I'm the optimist. I always try to see the glass as "half full," I will look for the gratitude until I see it clearly, I will look for the good in people no matter where they come from, what they do, or how they look. 


I have 3 dream boards that I've consciously made since 2001 entailing my dreams, goals, hopes for the future. 


That being said, I use to wonder where that attitude came from. After all, life wasn't always easy, pleasant, or "full." (another reminder to work on my book starting June 28th) 


A few weeks ago, I had to be home unexpectedly, so I decided to clean out the boxes in the garage. Most of it was college and teacher stuff with a few childhood items and photos thrown in there with a suprise dream collage I'd made while in college. I was impressed with myself. Already self teaching way back then.... ha. 


Then I saw it. Pink with a rusted lock on it. It read simply "Diary." As I looked closer I realized there were ballerina bunnies on it. Hmph!  


I didn't take the "young girl version of me" to have something pink, much less with BUNNIES! 


As I slightly opened the cover, I realized the glue of the spine was loose and I could gently pull the entire 200 pages out. 


I immediately smirked and began reading. Every boy crush I had from 1987 - 1991. Reading through those pre-teen and teen emotions brought immediate flashbacks of that time period. 


This little gem is PRICELESS: "When I have kids I'll definitely know what they're going through." 

This one was a memory I'd often shared, but the amount of details I provided about the whole experience really floored me: "Hey! You will never in a million years guess who I met yesterday night. Give up? I met the group Bad English." 

Honestly, this one impressed the hubby because little did "younger me" know but I not only met John Waite, but also former Journey band members, Jonathan Cain & Neal Schon. ?!@?!@# Duh. Amazing. 


I remember taking a picture with them where they held me in their arms, but my reading reminded me that we also got to tour their bus and meet their bus driver. Though, the film never processed right so I only have my memory of the moment to go on.
(Yet another awesome moment to add on my "dream board.")


The interesting thing about this is that I never really hoped or dreamed of meeting them. But I can recall sitting at home day after hot summer day listening to my pink (ugh. Yep, pink) radio cassette player and holding down the pause button until "When I See You Smile" began playing. I only had 10 versions of that song on one side of a cassette tape. (If you don't know about cassette tape recorders, you should close this blog now. You are not worthy! :) I kid...) 


So......that brings me to the next few photos I took of that little pink book. 
Circa 1989-1990

My first official NKOTB entry was January 3, 1990. Is it ironic that is my husband's birthdate? I think not. He's not only amazing because he's my soulmate, but also because he's put up with my NKOTB love for a while. :) (4 concerts later)


Then I read on: "I asked mom and dad about going to a NKOTB concert and they said "...maybe next time they were close they would take me. I cannot wait until 'next time.' " 

I go on for a good year about my #NKOTB #LOVE and see that "next time" never happened. However, this last photograph sort of took me back and humbled me. 

In 10 days my belief will be a reality. ^^That girl up there - she didn't anticipate that NKOTB would go away. Nor did she anticipate that NKOTB would ever return years later to bigger and better audiences, bigger and better venues. And she sure as heck didn't anticipate that she'd have a chance to meet them up close and personal. But she really believed in certain things and knew her dreams could come true. 


Is this entire blog about NKOTB and my #LOVE for them? Yes and No. It is about that teen boy band love, but it's about MORE than that. 


My past self is teaching my present self that DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE. 


"Next time" IS a reality if you envision it happening enough and truly know that what you dream you can become. What you dream of doing, you can. What you dream you are, you can be. It can be something as small as writing a blog, finding your talent or as big as writing a book and becoming famous for helping the world be a better place. 


It's all there for you to experience. 
KNOW that it's all there.
Be grateful that it's all there.
#dreamsDOcometrue
#LOVE
#GRATITUDE

The 5 Things I've Learned:Thank you, Oprah!

In honor of Oprah's last week of shows, I decided to compile a list the 5 things that I learned from Oprah. 


I admit that in the last few years, I've not been the avid viewer that I once was while a young mother and teacher. Though, I can remember seeing her on TV as far back as third grade. 
I never really took the time to sit and listen to her show until I was an eighteen year old college student sitting in my dorm alone while reflecting back on my childhood and dreaming of my future. 


I listened intently when she had Dr. Phil on discussing relationships and saying "What are YOU getting out of that behavior? If you weren't getting something out of it, you wouldn't keep doing it." (you know, in that Texas-dr-phil voice every comedian loves to hate on)


I read the books of Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, and Jacquelyn Mitchard. I had never felt more empowered, more knowledgeable and more sad while reading the words of each of these wonderful authors. 


Maya Angelou taught me to hold my head up high no matter what my past said, Toni Morrison taught me how to light up when I see my children, and Jacquelyn Mitchard took me back to a dark place of loss that I had been pushing aside for a long time. 


I listened to the real heart-breaking and inspiring  stories of Mattie and Jeni Stepanek (who I know follow on twitter) & Joanne Compton. 


I identified with so many of the stories told by real people and began a transformation of my own as I watched, listened and made time everyday at 4 pm to watch Oprah. (This was before Tivo, mind you.) 


Oprah was there when I got married, had two babies, got divorced, remarried, and had another baby. Though it all looks so simple in writing, it was not and I remembered much of what I'd learned from the people on her show to get me through. 


She was there to remind me to take time for me, to face those things about myself that needed changing, to show me how to celebrate life and how to come out on the other side of the pain. 


She was there as I learned what a "dream board" was and how powerful it can be: I really did meet Harry Connick, Jr, became the subject of a book, was honored by an extraordinary "Freedom Writer,"  and began intently working on finishing my book. (all of which I posted on my board BEFORE it happened.)


And though, I never made it to her show, I  still became the best version of me that I'd ever been despite any of those obstacles or mistakes. 

The 5 things I've learned: Thank you, Oprah! 


1. All pain is the same. Sometimes our ego gets in the way and makes us believe that our pain is worse than the person next to us. It's not. Pain is pain no matter how it comes about. 


2. When you know better, you do better. If we do not know any different, then we continually do the same thing over and over. Knowing is half the battle. 


3. No matter what you've endured in the past, you have the ability to change your future. We all can point to a time of tragedy or misfortune, but it's our choice to sit in it forever or get up, acknowledge it and move on. 


4. You teach people who you are and how to treat you. You do whether you are conscious of it or not. If you allow them to walk over you, if you avoid setting up boundaries b/c of being afraid to "hurt feelings," or if you continue living like you do not deserve the best, the cycles will continue. Best to be conscious  and avoid a world of heartache down the road. 


5. Gratitude in the moment of despair will change your life forever.  If you didn't already know about my 40 days of Thankfulness  or my 365 days of Gratitude challenge, please visit the links and think about challenging yourself. If I had my book finished, you'd be able to read about just how non-perfect life has been and also see that no matter what, I've always had a heart of gratitude for what I do have. This habit has helped me in good and bad times to remember what's most important and pass it on to those around me. 


When one person can make an impact as big as she has on our world, pass on so much of her life, her fortune, and her wisdom to others - this is living your life to the fullest.


And a HUGE shoutout to my FABULOUS friend, Christina, who'll be attending a taping THIS WEEK! :) 

Did Teachers Impact You?

I've covered this topic before but in a much lighter tone. I'm sure you've all had a teacher impact your life in some positive way. 


Unless you've been living under a rock in a deep, dark hole, you know that there is a education crisis in our nation. 


Budgets are getting cut, teachers are being laid off, and some schools are closing. Is this not at the great expense of our students? Our own children? These acts, I'm confident, will cause more issues for our future besides finances. 


I know that had I not had some teachers and school employees in my own life, I would've taken a much darker path than I have. Thanks going out to Mrs. Elam, Mrs. Turner, Mr. Cates, Ms. Terrie Hawkins, Mr. Hindman, and Mrs. Wrenn. 


Had they not influenced me, I would not had the opportunity to influence my own group of students later in life. 


As I stay connected with fellow teachers and technology education guru's, I see the same thing happening over and over. Some of my closest friends are being affected by this decision from legislators. 


I would like to share with you just one friend's account of her experience. 


Please click over to her blog and read Andrea's experience with recent teacher cuts. 


She writes very candidly and her suggestion of writing an email right now to a teacher you know encouraging them in their journey to educate our kids despite all of the turmoil will be HUGE. 


Are you wiling to take a few minutes out of your day and choose a teacher to encourage with a few words of thanks and appreciation? 

iDream

Why, yes, it's been over 2 months since I've blogged. A lot has been going on since then, including a dream. 


I've been working at the High School working to implement more technology, teach my teachers new and exciting ways to engage students in their class, and learning more myself about technology, students, teachers, and the direction for students in a typical classroom. 


Some days I don't stop. No lunch, no bathroom breaks, not a lot of anything except technology. I have to say it is heaven despite the stress. Not to mention the fact that I get great opportunities to learn new things from new people. 


The stress and pure exhaustion is the reason my fingers have not found the keyboard and my blog site. (Plus being mommy to 3 and wife)


I've decided to write about it instead of avoiding discussing it! :) If you get bored, that's fine - just be sure to scroll to the bottom before closing this window! 


So, the first month was hectic. This is the first school to have a full time "me." (instructional technologist) So, on top of making sure my teachers know basic technology knowledge, I also meet with the technology team about upcoming changes or obstacles. I order new devices and make sure that we have trainers available. I work to schedule professional development and recruit speakers to come talk "technology." 


I've also had the opportunity to go to TCEA (Computer Education Conference) in Austin and hang with some pretty smart, cool people. It was at this conference that I began my new twitter account @txtechchick and found a whole new world. It's like being at a professional development conference every minute of every day. It can consume a person, no doubt. Please feel free to follow me for some great educational apps, Apple news, Web 2.0 tools, and much more!  


I attended an Apple Learning seminar where Apple associates model how to use their devices, computers, and applications in a real world classroom setting. 


I went to a HS in Decatur to see how they have been implementing and rolling out a 1:1 (1 laptop to 1 student). We have most everything in place now to be able to do this if we so chose. It was one of my favorite learning opportunities! I loved seeing the students engaged and the teacher not being afraid to try something new! 


I've also sat in on a textbook adoption meeting. Interestingly enough, many textbook companies realize that our students are digital natives and are making their books, writing, and grammar materials accessible online. Imagine having your textbooks on your computer or iPad! 


As I've weeded through thousands of sites, ideas, thoughts, I've definitely become inspired. I watch my own children grow and learn and watch their ease and ability to use a cell phone, a laptop, and iPad, an iPod or any other electronic device that connects them to the world. 


They definitely learn differently than we did. Their expectations are much different than ours. 

I've had the chance to interact with kids from preK-12 since 2008 and the more I talk with them the more I hear of how they want/need to learn. I made this video for my teachers based on a survey taken of a HS class and their answers to the question "How do you learn best?" 




Another student said it best: 'The minute we walk into school they expect us to come in and turn off our lives. And the first thing we do the minute school is out? Turn them back on. We are digital and live digital lives. We have to go back in time to go to school." 


And I heard a teacher once say " As a teacher it is very hard to change your learning style, but if we are not willing to come into [their] world and teach how they learn, we don't need to walk into those school doors each morning." 


As you can tell, this is my passion (one of them). So on a whim one day, I ended up at Brainpop.com and saw that they had a contest. The contest was to write a 400 word blog about mobile learning and how it might change students and teachers' experiences. 


So, I decided to enter immediately since the prize was a trip to the VERY same conference I'd just asked to attend in AZ. :) 


In about 30 minutes, this is what I came up with: 

iDream

i have a dream that one day our schools will rise up and live out the true meaning

of its mission: ". . . seeks to promote student achievement and preparation for

global competitiveness by fostering educational excellence and ensuring equal

access." (US Department of Education 2010)

i have a dream that one day, every day, every student will have the ability to own

or use a mobile device and work together to create music, books, movies, websites,

and presentations that will change how the world thinks, evolves and engages as a

people.

i have a dream that one day even the teachers realize the power lies in the tiny

device they call “evil” or “distracting” and will open their minds and hearts to the

possibility that those tiny devices could be the turning point for a student “left

behind” or a student who isn’t meeting state, college, or career standards.

i have a dream that my three little children will one day go to a school where they

will begin their morning using a mobile device, continue learning on the device in

the afternoon, and beg to stay up late using their device to learn more, create

device that is small enough to fit in their school bag.

iDream today!

i have a dream that one day, every child will have their textbook at their fingertips,

their school books on a virtual shelf, the ability to take and email their notes at a

whim, the chance to interact, touch, and engage with the words they are reading.

iDream today!

i have a dream that one day every student shall be excited, and every teacher and

class shall teach and seek more knowledge than expected in order to prepare

students for the world outside of the four walls of their classroom.

Yes, I did model it after a very famous speech and surprisingly I WON! :) I was one of the 5 winners chosen. My blog will be featured on brainpop.com the week of April 4th AND will be presented live at the conference in AZ later that week. 


So, blog friends - this is what I've been up to since my last entry. 
So much to do, so much to see, so much to learn, so little time. . . 
Don't be afraid to DREAM.