Blech

Blech. 

Blech. 

Blech. 

I haven't blogged lately because this is how I feel. I'll say it again. Blech.

Today was blech. I feel down. Not really depressed but emotional. Sad. Angry. Annoyed. I can't say why, but it wasn't the best day in history, right? 

I wasn't a HUGE fan of Farrah or Michael. And Ed never showed up at my door knocking with a million dollar prize. But just as I am human, anytime a human life is mourned I get sad along with everyone else. 

All of a sudden I want to sit and listen to Michael Jackson songs. It would be a first. I don't think I even own one song. 

The one thing that has really been bothering me lately is the fact that I'm sick. Not like the flu or a cold. Honestly, I don't really know what I have, which is part of the frustrating part. If you don't know what it is, you don't really know how to help the problem. I do my best to exercise and eat whole organic foods, but I really have no idea if it's helping at all. 

Many people, especially those I grew up with probably had no idea, but at age 11 I was diagnosed with something called Crohn's disease. After reseach, drs don't know what causes it and only know how to control it. It will never just go away. Severe cases required medication. I never really had difficulty with it and other than a few "episodes" during stressful times in my teen years, no one would've known I had it. My right side usually hurts much like apendicitis, but it's not. The pain is usually so bad that I cannot walk. But it usually doesn't last more than a few hours and I've never had to take regular medication for the symptoms. 

I do have to stay away from the following: broccoli, roughage (lettuce), fried foods, caffeine, refined sugars, cheese, milk.............

See? even some of the good stuff isn't good for me. BLECH. 

It obviously had no effect on having kids. I went through 2 pregnancies and had no flare ups. I've had to go through the tests though. Twice so far. Usually once every 10 years. You know, the test where you have to drink that chalky drink? BLECH. They never really found any sign of distress during those tests. 

However, in the past 6 weeks I've had 2 of the most difficult flare ups that I've ever experienced in my life. What concerns me the most is: 1. No one really knows what is causing it. 2. The pain is much different and  much worse  than ever before. 

So. Monday I will call my new best friend, Dr. Eidem and schedule another round of tests. I'm less than thrilled to say the least, but for peace of mind I must know if the Chron's is getting worse, if it might not be the Crohn's, or if I just have too many stressful people in my life. 

There were some perks to the day, though, and as I always say an attitude of gratitude is the only way to live: 

* I spent time with my favorite girls, even with a pointless meeting thrown in the day.

* Maddie, Avery and I got colored hair today. Pink AND Purple. We had to get blonde hair 1st.

*I am abundantly blessed with a loving, hard working husband. 

* I finished off the day with my new favorite drink: Cranberry Pomegranate. YUM. 

* Tomorrow I have the day off. I have the next day off, too. And the next 5 weeks, as well. 

"I thank God for my handicaps, because through them I have found myself, my work, and my God." ~ Helen Keller