She's Got A Way

She's got a way about her

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know what it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
************************************************
Ah, Avery. The child that had I had her first would be an only child. I say that out of a lot of love and a lot of expelled energy. 

I always love to tell of how when I was pregnant with her I was still running at 5 months, eating right, avoiding all the things I was suppose to, only eating the things that I knew were good for both of us. 
She was energetic the whole time, and during labor, I was busy talking about the Mavs in the playoffs. Days later, I was already back to my workout regimen and feeling great. Easy peasy. 

However, after 4 1/2 years with her, she has been the one who makes me cry the most and laugh the most. Probably because she is just like me. 

I see it on a daily basis and just today told her that there wasn't enough space for two of us. You may laugh, but the two of us wear me out and Jason and Maddie I'm sure. 

Maddie definitely puts up with a lot of drama when Avery is around. Just today at the dr while Maddie sounded as if she'd cough up a lung any minute, she politely asked to leave the room and wait outside while Avery got her 5 shots. Good call. Took 3 of us holding her down and it's a wonder one of us didn't leave deaf. That girl has got a set of lungs on her. 

I've decided to document some of her funniest moments, phrases and words here, mostly for myself but also just to make you laugh during a week where so many have been sick. 


Preschool

 Avery is in her 2nd year of preschool. She loved it last year, but this year we've had a different encounter. Starting about 2 weeks ago, I started getting little notes in her folder from her teacher about how "Avery isn't finishing her work" "Avery is the last one finishing" "Avery stopped coloring because she said her hand was tired" ....and so on. So, after these little notes, I went to the store, bought a few preschool books, crayons, white board markers, and some scissors. We do a page a day and work on the small things - finishing the page. 


About a week ago, while dropping Maddie off at school, I asked Avery "Tomorrow is preschool are you going to be good?" In the rear view mirror I see her shake her head no. 


"No?"
"I mean yes, mama. I'll be good." 
"Will you finish your work?"
"Yes"

A few minutes go by...

"I don't like preschool."
"Why, Avery?"
"It's hard work and I'm already sick of it." 


The next day I pick her up, check her folder and see that she only colored the roof of a barn black. The rest was as it was given to her. 


"Avery, why didn't you finish coloring your barn?'
"I did."
"It's white." 
"Just the other day we passed a white barn with a black roof." 

Looks like I couldn't argue with that. 


So, this past week I get an e-mail from her teacher. 


I love her sense of humor. She tells little stories and says her sister cracks her up. 


Well, at least I didn't make up that she is funny. I'm just hoping that her stories are TRUE. She'll still tell you point blank that she doesn't like preschool and IS NOT going to kindergarten.

Doctor Vists
She is the child that I wait until the very last minute to tell about ANY doctor visit.

The dentist trip was a disaster because I mistakenly took her for Madison and told her a day in advance that she was going. She cried the entire way there because she didn't want them to take pictures (xrays). Thank goodness she wasn't due for them on this visit. That didn't make it any easier, though. She wrestled us just getting in the chair. These dentists don't mess around: they have DVD players, wireless headphones and TV screens on the ceiling; game room, stickers, and prizes. We left with no tears and hopefully an easier visit for next time.

Last week we went to the dr. just to make sure she wasn't sickly. I didn't tell her until we drove up to the dr's office. She asked me the whole way there:

"Where are we going, mama?"
"Oh, just for a little drive." 
"Where?"
"it will be fine. I promise."

I had to talk her out of the car and still she went in with tears left on her face. They promised her no shots on that visit. She was a big girl even during the strep test.

Today was a little different story, though. I told her that they were only going to weigh her and check her ears.

"Are you sure that's all they're going to do?"
"I think." 
"Are they giving me a shot?" 
"I don't think so." 
"TELL THEM, MAMA. TELL THEM NO SHOTS!"
"Ok. I'll tell them." 

Upon entering and check in, she immediately tells them she doesn't want a shot. The nurse just nods and smiles. The receptionist calls me back over and says "She's getting 4 shots today. 5 if we do the flu shot."

I knew this, but never promised she wouldn't get a shot. Just that I would tell them she didn't want them. Ah, the fun of parenting different children.

They call us back, she hesitates with weight, eye check, and height. We get in the room and she's already crying. Good thing I brought reinforcements (aka Jason) with me.

After Maddie was finished, I sent her out to get her school note.  Avery looks at me and says -

"Why am I still sitting up here if they are done with me?" 
"Am I done?" 
"Are we going home now?" 
"I'm still sitting here, mama."

Her dr who has been their dr since both of their births, looked at us and said "She's too smart for her own good." 

I will spare you the details of getting 5 shots, but it wasn't pretty and the 3 of us were almost in tears when it was over. 

Good news: She is done until she is 12! And since the shot is why she was refusing kindergarten, she says she's ready for it now! 
***************************************
I leave you with some of her funniest phrases lately:

*Unspickable (dispicable like on Looney Tunes.) You are unspickable, Jason. 
*Cracking smoke ( rearranged from my phrase smoking crack) Mom, Maddie is cracking smoke again. 
*Memember (remember) Memember when I was little I use to call lotion sasa?
*Avery-ham lincoln (Abraham Lincoln) Avery-ham Lincoln is on the penny!
*Would you please teach me karate (
*I can't stop breathing (Jason responds "Good. You're not suppose to!")
*Don't be mean to your children (anytime I make her mind or tell her no)
*I heard lightening. I knew there was storm. Get out the glow sticks! (she actually watches the weather)


No matter what is going on around me, whatever stress or struggle that is happening, she always makes me smile and reminds me that life can be fun all the time. :) 

Control, God Winks, and Advice

Recently, I posted a quote from one of my new favorite pieces of literature, The Shack. 


"You're going to find this day a lot easier if you simply accept what is, instead of trying to fit it into your preconceived notions."



Not many people responded. As I thought to myself, I thought, maybe people don't really like giving up that control of life random chaos or their already set preconceptions. 

I know I didn't. 


It took me at least a month to get used to the idea of being pregnant again. Of course, Jason and I had discussed it and I knew we'd add to our family, but in my "plan" and my "timing."  I expected to make it a reality "later." Not that much later, just 6 months or so. I wanted time alone with Jason, time to be in my job, and time to just be. 


So, I'm not embarrassed to say that in the middle of everyone's excitement - it took me awhile to mentally get there. Ignorance is bliss and with Maddie, I had no idea how pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting would change my life, my heart, my mind and my spirit. With Avery, I had at least "been there, done that." 


After the announcement of our pregnancy (I say ours because it truly affects us all), I have finally been able to revel in the excitement with everyone else. Now in week 14/15, I have a lot more energy, not feeling as sick, and am able to do the day-to-day routine a lot better. 


But I will not lie. I am not the pregnant lady that will tell you "this is the best I've felt my whole life" or "it was my favorite time in my life." Yes, I realize the blessing; yes, I know what a miracle the whole process is, however, as a semi-control freak with day-to-day operations in my life, it puts a damper on what I can do, what I can eat, etc. I know after 2 what happens to my body, what physical limitations are put on me, how difficult recovery can be, life with a newborn, and so on. 


My mind has finally caught up to what is. 
---------------------------------------------

I've written about God Winks before. I've even discussed how I was included in SQuire Rushnell's second God Wink book. What an honor that was: talking with him, meeting him, and still corresponding with him. I love the message he conveys in his book and enjoy reading such heartwarming stories about other people who have had "god winks." 


As I've said before, I DO NOT believe in coincidences. It wasn't a coincidence that in my time of panic about the pregnancy that The Shack kept popping up in conversation, in ads, on peoples coffee tables, and in the grocery store. Finally, after about the 7th incident, I threw the book in my cart, looked up and said "Fine." 


Little did I know the healing and the attitude adjustment that it would give me. After putting it down, I said "Tisha, you must stop being so arrogant. His plan goes far and wide." His plans are always much wider and farther than we ever can imagine or see. 

So, presently I'm reading The Alchemist. Like The Shack, it has continually popped up over several years and when I saw it on the shelf, I decided to go with it. It's a fable about a shephard boy finally realizing his dream and following it to find and fulfill his purpose. 


"God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the sign [omens, god winks] that He left for you."


It reminds me so much of the work I've put into my book. I know that the book has a purpose, even if it is just for my girls to have and use during those difficult times in their own lives. 


I must see it through to the end. 
---------------------------------------
Today, I began discussing both books and my struggle with my mind catching up with what is and how I've been working on my own book (dream, journey).  As I said that, Madison's former teacher sat across from me and said "I heard/saw a guy today talking about God winks." 


What!? You mean SQuire?


I began sharing with her my knowing SQuire, being in the book and some of the god winks in my own life. It was nice to share a little god wink of our own! 


Funny that today, I sat down to respond to his Facebook message. In it he was giving me advice on what paths to pursue once I finish my own book.  One of the things he said to me was this: 


"Unless YOU get it out of the store...no one else will." 


We have to let go of the control from the things we cannot change, but we must seize those that we can. 


I love this piece of advice because it could be said for everything in life: 
dreams
love
relationships
jobs
attitudes
struggles


Unless WE put the work into it, no one else will and we will never see what can be. 

God Loves Surprises

Anytime I find something worthy of mentioning, I eagerly find my computer, time to blog and something good to drink.

I recently bought The Shack. I have known many people who have read it, recommended it, and loved it. For some reason, I actually resisted the reading. I guess something inside of me knew that the book would have a great affect on my soul.

I bought the book Thursday night and by Saturday had devoured the entire piece like I would a good piece of chocolate. My soul needed the book, the passages, and the imagery at this exact moment. I found myself smiling, thinking, contemplating, and sobbing.

For anyone that has lost someone very dear and close like a child or a sibling, this book will pull out all kinds of emotions from you. It will comfort you, make you think again, and give you a different perspective than you've ever expected. Most likely it will do this to you anyway.

If you feel a tugging to read it. Do it. I'm convinced that you will get something out of it and pass it on to others that may need it.

Here are some of my favorite passages:

Jesus: An awful lot of what is done in my name has nothing to do with me and is often, even if unintentional, very contrary to my purposes.

Papa (God): When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me.

Papa (God): You're going to find this day a lot easier if you simply accept what is, instead of trying to fit it into your preconceived notions.

Sarayu (Spirit): Many of those so-called bad plants, like this one, contain incredible properties for healing or are necessary for some of the most magnificent wonders when combined with something else.

Jesus: We are not done there.

Papa (God): There is no Plan B.

Jesus: She (God) loves surprises, and even though you might not think it, her timing is always perfect.

This last passage meant a lot more to me than it normally would. In the past few weeks I've had to get use to a new idea that wasn't expected until later on. For all sorts of reasons, it just didn't seem feasible at this exact moment. But later? Yeah, I was good with that. You know, when "my plan and timing" was right. The seemingly random chaos of life has brought us to a new phase in our lives and we are excited to share it with you. Jason, the girls and I will be enjoying one of God's special surprises sometime at the end of March. :)

I Know I Can

*waving* Hello, blog readers! Here I am again. Things have been busy. *cough* cough* That's an understatement.

Work has been busy, but life has been busier. All those power struggles I thought I would have were shadowed by life.

We've all heard the saying "Life gets in the way of other plans." Well, it seems that my life continues to teach me this no matter how many times I think I've learned it.

After training 9 days in a row, my mind is exhausted. Even so, I can still look you in the eye and tell you how much I love my job; how much joy it gives me to help others; how much I love working with people and learning what it takes to get them to reach new levels. I can tell you how much I love using a microphone. Wow. I was able to use microphone all morning and didn't want to stop talking. Once I spoke, all eyes were attentive listening to what I had to say. Ha! Not like it was that important, but still. I realized I could probably do that weekly and be relaxed doing it. Who would've thought - as a child I was soooo shy and never wanted eyes on me. Weird that I'd rather speak to large audiences through a mic, but tell me you have thrown me a party with 50 of my friends, and I would freak. So, exhausted or not - I am thankful for a job I enjoy.

For the past two weeks, while training, I've also been going to multiple dr visits. Maddie has been sick. Symptoms are crazy and don't seem to go together. My mind has been worried, my heart achy from watching her grimace in pain and tell me it hurts. We have tried everything and taken tons of tests (all which have come back normal so far).

When she first complained, I thought 'Well, it will be something easy, fixable.' My mind never once allowed the thought that she might not be well enough for school. Until this week.

After Friday's visit, I walked out pretty sure even the one dr I had the most faith in didn't know what was wrong. Worry set in. It didn't help that almost everyone around me was saying it was "just stress." Hmmm. Maybe, but I live with her day in and day out. I watch her. I talk with her. I know she's not "faking" her symptoms just for attention. I know she wishes more than anything she wasn't sick and could be with her friends.

I'd planned to rest over the weekend. Saturday I thought we would all make a park visit and get some fresh air, but later that morning Jason called and said he was in ER. Accident at work. Nothing major. Minor and hurting, but he's ok. That put me in a completely different mood. What was the deal? Little did I know, him being home this week would be a HUGE blessing and couldn't come at a more right time.

So after 4 dr visits in a week and hearing the news that she will have to miss the very first day of school, I can only find myself finding comfort and strength in the one thing that has always gotten me through.

God gives to His servants this promise:
You’ll not have to face life alone;
And when you grow weak in your struggle,
His strength will prevail—not your own.

I absolutely DO NOT believe in coincidences. So, when I walked into convocation on Tuesday and sat in the back of our new auditorium with all of those educators, I knew I'd hear something inspiring. I wished and hoped I would. Then, this from photojournalist Dewitt Jones:

"Change is our ally. Times of the most change, offer the most possibility. Live in uncertainty and act in confidence. When we believe it we will see it. It wasn't how you planned it, but what is right with the situation?"

This youtube clip doesn't do the entire video justice.(If you would like a longer clip - email me) It brought me back to the core of what I believe. And I needed it because I was in doubt.

I had forgotten that when at the edge of a cliff, the winds can take us higher than we imagine.

Power Struggles

2 girls

1 mom

45 days (note - should be more, but who's counting?)

One of the perks of being a teacher or in the education profession is that I get the same days and holidays off as the girls.

When I first decided to become a teacher I was more focused on changing the world, paying forward what some great teachers did for me, and pursuing a never-ending learning environment. As the first year turned into seven, I decided I wanted to step out of teaching in a typical classroom and do something different.

Now that I have been in my particular job for a year, I begin appreciating different aspects of teachers, students, and education. One of those things is how much I love that I'm usually able to leave work at work. This was not something I did while teaching 150 students each day. I don't bring home people's technology problems with me. Some think I should - but, um, no.

This last year my schedule was flexible enough to be with Maddie on important days at her school. I was able to watch the music program that typical parents weren't allowed into; I was able to see her answer math questions and take spelling tests. She was also able to see me in my work environment, being all professional. I was able to take Avery to preschool and pick her up. I was there for her first day and was able to be there within minutes if she was sick. She definitely needed that little bit of extra time with me each week. I've been so thankful to get to spend these special moments with the girls. It was definitely a God-send job. His timing was perfect.

Then school was out.

YYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEE!

We ALL needed the break. My 2 1/2 months of summer vacation is one of my favorite things about teaching. Let me break it to you non-educators, though, that find yourselves saying "must be nice to be off that long" - WE AREN'T. This is a little known secret of teachers. Nevertheless, we all do our best to take time off and enjoy the time we get to ourselves to just be us - not Mrs. So-and-So.

The girls and I slept late most days, workout some days, cooked lots of days and enjoyed each other's company ALL days.

We all needed the bonding time and benefited so much from the time to just be and be together.

Then, we turn on the TV or see the newspaper ad: BACK TO SCHOOL

Ugh. Why?! No!

Nevertheless, it's the end of July and I've already been back to work part time 10 business days. Not to mention all the random meetings I had to throw in there before.

The Power Struggle?

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that we all wish for something to happen in the future:

I can't wait til my kids go to bed w/out getting up a zillion times

I can't wait til my kids are able to cook for themselves

I can't wait til my kids do _____, ______ or ______

A quote that my friend, Andrea, posted on twitter recently has been imprinted on my mind for the past few weeks:

"Sometimes we wait and wait for God to move.

Then when He does, we protest that He's moving too fast." -Beth Moore

I have to stop myself and remember that things WILL move too fast. Life is short. I need to be living in the present and be happy with where we are when we're there.

Even if "there" is our small period of separation anxiety. We all get it. We miss each other like crazy when I have to be gone. They cling a little longer, kiss a little more, and are content just sitting next to me when I get home.

They never see me cry over this. But even as Maddie goes into 3rd grade, I cry. I miss them as much or more than they even know. I rethink this whole "work" thing and always try to come up with that million dollar idea that will land me time at home or the ability to travel with them. As you see, I'm still working on that.

So, for the next few weeks I will struggle with getting up, going to work, leaving the girls, and learning my own lessons. They will struggle to let go a little and learn to fly a little more.

The Power of Childhood

What you do now most likely has something to do with your childhood.

I could go deep and talk about how your childhood scars affect your decisions today. How your relationships are like mirrors into your soul or psyche, but tonight I want to keep things on the lighter side. 

Once again on Friday I will find myself enjoying my third and probably the last New Kids on the Block concert. I usually take a lot of *crap* from people that I work with because being older than me, they never were into NKOTB. They think I'm crazy for spending money on the concerts or wasting my time going. 

Nevertheless, I enjoy going. Why? Probably for the same reason that all of these girls are screaming....

You've probably found that within recent years many of your childhood favorites have made it back into the stores or movies: 

1. Transformers

2. GI Joe

3. Smurfs

4. Nancy Drew

5. Strawberry Shortcake

When MJ died, everyone I knew reminisced about their childhood memories of him or his music - at the skating rink, how they would watch him dance with a parent, how his songs affected their own dreams/goals. 

Why? 

Because we all love to go back to our childhood somehow and relive the good times.

Yes, we have entered that era in our lives. We might not feel like we've covered that much ground, but we have. I congratulate those of you that just realized it. :) 

So, marketers are getting to us through our memories and our kids. And we buy into it because it makes us feel happy. 

No one in their right mind could understand why 100's of women in their 30's are found at Denny's or Waffle House at midnight on any given night. 

Only the women who as girls had the same dream - being in the same room as any of the New Kids on the Block - can relate to doing something that extreme. Only these same women would purchase ONE ticket for $500 to meet and take a picture with these guys. Only these women would find themselves searching the shelves of a mini mall for the last NKOTB doll from the 90's. http://www.twitpic.com/aaqhx 

Who are we to judge? Really. I'm betting that all of us have done something to relive that same feeling or to share that  feeling with our kids.

So, I ask you - what childhood memory have you bought into lately? Which ones do you  crave to share with your own children or nieces or nephews?

Roadblocks - Detours - No Outlet

                      

                      

Ok. Seriously, how many of you have felt like you've found these signs somewhere throughout your life. Maybe on a daily basis? Maybe on Tuesdays only? 

Like many, I've had my fair share of roadblocks. There have been times I need to step it up and get over that big boulder. Or times that I've had to turn around and start over from scratch. Yet other times life's detours seem to have me running into myself. Or my all time favorite:  I'm stuck in the "no outlet" situation. That's like having a cookie minus the chocolate for me. 

I, honestly, have no idea how many people are actually reading this blog. At times I care, other times I could care less. But I know in our roadblocks even though we feel alone, we are not. There are always people who have already been where we are in the present moment. It's new to us but not new to the world.

So, the reason I keep asking for positive vibes from my peeps or my tweeps, the reason for all the positive thinking  quotes and thoughts is because I'm really rooting for something to happen for someone I love. I almost want this for them more than they want it themselves. 

They cannot see what a potential they have. They do not know how proud everyone around them would be. They would be so great at this "thing" that once they find their niche, watch out!

I've watched them research, talk to people, set up interviews or appointments, come up with plan after plan only to see the doors close on them every time. A different reason every time.

It's frustrating. I'm sure more so for them. Definitely. 

Again today, it seemed that things were up, things were moving right along and then BAM! Shut down again. 

"Oh, yeah. There was this one teensy little stipulation we didn't mention before." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! 

I'm doing my best to help out. Stay positive. Give advice or guidance. But at some point even I want to say "God, how many times will the doors close before they are open?" 

Nix that. Never ask how many times. It will only continue and continue and continue. 

Instead I try to coach and say "There is a plan. A much bigger plan. A better fit. A better cheese for your macaroni." 

So, what do YOU tell yourself when you find that doors are closing or boulders are blocking?