"You're going to find this day a lot easier if you simply accept what is, instead of trying to fit it into your preconceived notions."
Not many people responded. As I thought to myself, I thought, maybe people don't really like giving up that control of life random chaos or their already set preconceptions.
I know I didn't.
It took me at least a month to get used to the idea of being pregnant again. Of course, Jason and I had discussed it and I knew we'd add to our family, but in my "plan" and my "timing." I expected to make it a reality "later." Not that much later, just 6 months or so. I wanted time alone with Jason, time to be in my job, and time to just be.
So, I'm not embarrassed to say that in the middle of everyone's excitement - it took me awhile to mentally get there. Ignorance is bliss and with Maddie, I had no idea how pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting would change my life, my heart, my mind and my spirit. With Avery, I had at least "been there, done that."
After the announcement of our pregnancy (I say ours because it truly affects us all), I have finally been able to revel in the excitement with everyone else. Now in week 14/15, I have a lot more energy, not feeling as sick, and am able to do the day-to-day routine a lot better.
But I will not lie. I am not the pregnant lady that will tell you "this is the best I've felt my whole life" or "it was my favorite time in my life." Yes, I realize the blessing; yes, I know what a miracle the whole process is, however, as a semi-control freak with day-to-day operations in my life, it puts a damper on what I can do, what I can eat, etc. I know after 2 what happens to my body, what physical limitations are put on me, how difficult recovery can be, life with a newborn, and so on.
My mind has finally caught up to what is.
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I've written about God Winks before. I've even discussed how I was included in SQuire Rushnell's second God Wink book. What an honor that was: talking with him, meeting him, and still corresponding with him. I love the message he conveys in his book and enjoy reading such heartwarming stories about other people who have had "god winks."
As I've said before, I DO NOT believe in coincidences. It wasn't a coincidence that in my time of panic about the pregnancy that The Shack kept popping up in conversation, in ads, on peoples coffee tables, and in the grocery store. Finally, after about the 7th incident, I threw the book in my cart, looked up and said "Fine."
Little did I know the healing and the attitude adjustment that it would give me. After putting it down, I said "Tisha, you must stop being so arrogant. His plan goes far and wide." His plans are always much wider and farther than we ever can imagine or see.
So, presently I'm reading The Alchemist. Like The Shack, it has continually popped up over several years and when I saw it on the shelf, I decided to go with it. It's a fable about a shephard boy finally realizing his dream and following it to find and fulfill his purpose.
"God has prepared a path for everyone to follow. You just have to read the sign [omens, god winks] that He left for you."
It reminds me so much of the work I've put into my book. I know that the book has a purpose, even if it is just for my girls to have and use during those difficult times in their own lives.
I must see it through to the end.
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Today, I began discussing both books and my struggle with my mind catching up with what is and how I've been working on my own book (dream, journey). As I said that, Madison's former teacher sat across from me and said "I heard/saw a guy today talking about God winks."
What!? You mean SQuire?
I began sharing with her my knowing SQuire, being in the book and some of the god winks in my own life. It was nice to share a little god wink of our own!
Funny that today, I sat down to respond to his Facebook message. In it he was giving me advice on what paths to pursue once I finish my own book. One of the things he said to me was this:
"Unless YOU get it out of the store...no one else will."
We have to let go of the control from the things we cannot change, but we must seize those that we can.
I love this piece of advice because it could be said for everything in life:
dreams
love
relationships
jobs
attitudes
struggles
Unless WE put the work into it, no one else will and we will never see what can be.
Your writing blesses me in some way each time!
ReplyDeleteLove you~
Candi