Oh Baby!

After several people asked, I decided I had better do a blog about this baby/pregnancy! :) 

I'm not quite sure, but, truthfully, I get a little more private when I'm pregnant. I'm not sure why, but the hormones make me a different Tisha than I'm use to normally. This could be one reason that I haven't baby blogged yet. 


I do NOT like to be limited. Ever. 


In any area of my life, you will find that if someone, anyone tells me "you can't" I will do everything in my power to prove them wrong. When someone tells me that statement,  it fuels my fire to prove to them and myself that I CAN. 


I've been like this ever since junior high school. I had a teacher that told me "you cannot do honors work."


That one teacher has no clue how they shaped my life with that one powerful statement. 


Many of the things that I have under my belt is due to the fact that someone (usually just one person) didn't believe in me. 


Pregnancy is full of "you can't" 


You can't run. 
You can't lie on your stomach. 
You can't eat sushi. 
You can't lift. 
You can't have a margarita with your nachos. ;) 
You can't have caffeine. 
You can't take hot baths. 
You can't control your moods. 
You can't .....You can't ..... You can't.....
You won't have the same energy. 
You won't have control over your body.
You won't know why you're crying. 
You won't know why that person annoyed you.  
You won't know what has hit you. 


If you didn't already know by reading my blog - "I can't" usually isn't ever in my vocabulary. 


I struggle a lot on a daily basis now because typically you can find me going about 120 mph - at work, at home, and trying to run that fast while going running. 


Now, I'm unable to run or even walk for that matter. My tailbone hurts on a constant basis and the only relief is an hour of prenatal yoga every day. If I'm stressed, I can't grab the ipod and go for a run. And yoga only does so much for my stress. 


At work, I can't climb, wear my famous heels, or walk like a I'm walking a marathon. 


At home, I run out of energy faster, and need more sleep than you can imagine. I love food, but most of the time nothing sounds good - ever. So eating is like a chore. :( Remember? I LOVE FOOD! 


And, literally, it feels as though everyone that sees me needs to give me a belly update - like I didn't ALREADY feel like a whale or see myself in the mirror everyday.  


"Wow. You popped." 
"Really? March?" 
"Oh, I just have to touch." 
"Stand up. Let us see." 


I'm not a CARNIVAL side show! Wow. 


******************************************************

I will never be a great pregnant lady. Never have been. I admit it. 

I do NOT look forward to sleepless nights and days and recovery time. Blech. 

You will never hear me say "Oh! Pregnancy was the best time of my life." 

Even if I'm feeling great and you think I'm "glowing" I will not feel anywhere near as great without all this extra weight and being my sassy, fast self. 

Even if I look like I have it all together, my fears and anxieties are magnified during this time. 

I probably in some way go into my own little world and draw within just to get through the aches, pains, and uncomfortableness - both in my mind and within my body. 

******************************************************

All of my complaints aside, feeling the baby *is* amazing. 


Watching the girls love the baby already *is* amazing. 


Watching Jason's face when he feels the baby moving *is* amazing. 


Knowing that the baby is growing and doing well *is* amazing. 


Folding his little clothes or blanket *is* amazing. 


Knowing that Jace Patrick will be here in almost 100 days *is* amazing. 

My Gratitude List - 40 Days

Thought I would share my 40 Days of Thankfulness list since I've dedicated several posts to the topic: 

October 20, 2009

40 Days for Thankfulness Day 1: I’m thankful for a job I love and enjoy each of every day and for co-workers that always make me laugh. 

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 2: I’m thankful for an amazing husband who was truly God sent to the girls and I. He’s the hardest worker I know and shows a profound love for so many that it amazes me.  And he even does dishes! :) 

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 3: I’m thankful for those people who were already spreading the gratitude and positive messages even before 40 Days. 

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 4: I'm so thankful for all the new friends I've made because of the 40 days of thankfulness!!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 5: I'm thankful for each and every struggle and the fact that I made it on the other side with a lesson and usually a new friend.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 6: I'm thankful for a loving God and a continual relationship. I'm thankful that at such a young age someone special truly introduced me to Him. I ♥ you, Warren and family!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 7: I'm thankful for electricity, surprise lunch with my husband, and a healthy start to a great week!

Thankful for a night by the fire with the family and some chocolate chip cookies!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 8: I'm thankful for 2 girls who have big, giving hearts, and are so full of love and life everyday.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 9: Today I'm thankful that I get to take Avery to preschool for once and for being able to spend movie night in the middle of the week with the girls! :)

Thankful for pumpkin carving and roasted pumpkin seeds!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 10: I'm thankful that so many people have joined me in having gratitude and passing it on. Sending out positive energy creates more positive energy. It can be life changing!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 11: I'm thankful for the warm sunshine, lunch out with my fav co-workers, and the extra few minutes with Jason before work!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 12: Today I'm thankful for love that is intoxicating, laughs that are contagious, and mornings that allow me time to breathe deeply.Thankful for the extra hour of sleep I will be getting along with my mani/pedi!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 13: I'm thankful for being able to walk for an hour and meditate, for having extra money to pamper myself, and for all of the broken roads in my life - no matter what it was God always blessed me and led me in the right direction - I would not change the events in my life for anything.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 14: I'm thankful for this Monday with the sun shining bright and all the possibilities it brings for a new week! Have a blessed day friends!!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 15: I'm thankful for my mom and dad. Almost 33 years ago they adopted me and opened the doors of opportunity for me to experience all life has to offer.Many things I'm certain I would not have done had it not been for them. I ♥ you both!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 16: I'm thankful for God's little "surprises," the existence of prenatal yoga, my fetal doppler, and SmartFood White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn! :)

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 17: I'm thankful for the Thanksgiving dinner I will have tonight - no cooking, time with family, and some great homemade food!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 18: I'm thankful for ALL the men and women who serve our country in all ways and their families. That is true sacrifice. I'm thankful to be an American!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 19: I'm thankful for a slow day of Cafe Brazil, movies, and enjoying watching fall blanket over the trees! What a beautiful day once again!

Day 19 Part ii- I'm thankful for Jason taking my rings and having them cleaned and polished!! They sparkle again

Day 19 Part III- I'm thankful that we all have the choice to change our ways at anytime. Its never too late. (Courtesy of Charles Dickens)

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 20: I'm thankful for learning and knowing about homeopathy. No matter what we have going on those remedies are always SO helpful and soothing.

I'm also thankful for Braum's strawberry ice cream! YUMMY!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 21: I'm thankful for Advocare and that I can still have spark. Otherwise todays implementation of a new system would not be as positive for me! ;)

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 22: I'm thankful that I can wear jeans any day of the week, for co-workers that make me laugh hard, for family time at night and for Tuesdays.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 23: Rough day but here I am. I'm thankful for those friends that are there through thick and thin; the ones that don't sit in judgement but sit while holding your hand; those that know you inside and out and aren't afraid of what they see; those that will walk with you no matter what. I wish...

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 24: This morning I'm thankful for the 10 hours of sleep we all got, for lavender oil and all it's uses, and for a little lotion called Renew that has totally healed up the girls' eczema! :)

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 25: I'm thankful for Jason and what a great role model and dad he is to the girls. They adore him, beg for him to stay home with them, beg for them to take them to school, and when they are crabby he is the one to get them happy. I regret nothing in my life because without it I would not be blessed with him in my life.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 26: I'm thankful for super early birthday presents, making time to spend with Jason in the early morning before the world wakes up, pillows, Meyer's cleaning products, pillows, lunch with new friends, pillows, Sharpie pens, down pillows, Christmas shopping, and did I say pillows?

Day 26 part II- I'm thankful for Christmas music, peppermint mochas and a day out with my girls!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 27: I'm thankful for waking up to a 4 year singing: ♫ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, Give thanks to the Lord for He is good ♫

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 28: Today I'm thankful for a very healthy baby #3!!!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 29: I'm thankful for my health, for a healthy baby BOY, for healthy girls full of life, drama, and love; for a husband who makes even the smallest things in life fun, for my family and friends and for Facebook which allows me to connect with them on a daily basis!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 30: I'm thankful for the sunny day and time to breathe.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 31: I'm thankful for the piano. I'm thankful that I took lessons. The sound still speaks to my soul & my dream is to move my babygrand here with me to share that sound with the girls and baby!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 31 Part II: Thankful I can provide the girls with a home, toys & clothes that they want & need;have a car to drive them to school. I'm VERY thankful for great stores like Sprouts & Whole Foods. I think nothing of buying eggplant, vitamins, or organic milk/eggs-in the past 2 days we've encountered moms who had to live in community housing & who have never even seen an eggplant. I wanted to take them on a field trip!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 32: I'm thankful for 10 days off from work with my girls. Thankful that Jason agreed to go shopping with me on Black Friday. Thankful that tomorrow we will get to take the girls to visit Santa and the Reindeer. Lastly - thankful that I ca surprise Jason and take him to see New Moon later tonight. :) I'm sure he'll be THRILLED! ;)

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 33: I really am thankful that I've been standing in line for an hour with a crazy 4 year old running laps around me, an 8 year old that's starving, and a VERY patient Jason who makes me laugh anyway...Santa is late!

40 Days of Thanfulness Day 34: I'm thankful for Avery's extra special talk with Santa, for decor getting put up, homemade peppermint bark candy, and for people who carry the spirit of Chistmas with them all year long.

40 Days of thankfulness Day 35: I'm SOOO Thankful that I get a whole week off of work for the holiday. The girls and I are thrilled!!!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 36: I'm thankful for endings - no matter how painful they are at times. Without endings there would be no beginning and I am thankful for those just as much.

Day 36 Part II: I'm thankful for great music like Kutless. I just bought their new album on iTunes.

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 37: A very, very bad cold has set in and I feel horrible, so two thankful thoughts today 1. Thankful that I can stay home today and rest 2. Thankful that I have already made reservations for Jason and I at III Forks in Dallas for lunch tomorrow.!

Day 37 Part II: SOOOO thankful for the homeopathic cold meds. I am feeling better already! And to whichever Seminole resident that introduced me to sausage balls - THANK YOU! I just made 2 lbs of sausage worth - bet it won't last long - they are sooooo yummy!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 38: I'm thankful for this day. I'm thankful for YOU. I'm thankful for however our paths crossed once upon a time. Happy Thanksgiving!

DAY 38 PART II: A 3 course meal at III Forks and 3 movies later......its been a holiday to remember. . .

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 39: I'm thankful for a husband who is willing to shop early on Black Friday and does better than I do with good deals!!

Day 39 part II: I'm thankful that our elves showed up and left Super Mario Bros Wii game. They played it first, of course. Its sooo fun. Even Avery can play!!!

40 Days of Thankfulness Day 40: I'm thankful for perfect timing. God's hand is always in it-a song playing on the radio at the right time with the right words to get you through the day; a check in the mail for just the amount of $ you need; a surprise phone call/visit; words spoken by a complete stranger; the wind changing course, a stop light, a hug, a smile. GRATITUDE for all things IN ALL THINGS reaps ABUNDANCE.

40 Days of Thankfulness

I decided to "Google" 40 Days of Thankfulness. If it's caught on in the Facebook world, I wanted to see what else was out there and surprisingly enough, I found a blogger who ran across the idea and began posting her days of thankfulness in her blog. 


Today marks the 40th Day for me. 


40 Days of Thankfulness Day 40: I'm thankful for perfect timing. God's hand is always in it-a song playing on the radio at the right time with the right words to get you through the day; a check in the mail for just the amount of $ you need; a surprise phone call/visit; words spoken by a complete stranger; the wind changing course, a stop light, a hug, a smile. GRATITUDE for all things IN ALL THINGS reaps ABUNDANCE.



This has been such a cleansing and eye opening journey for me. However, even though I'm at the "end of the exercise" my attitude of gratitude cannot end here. I try to think of it more as a beginning. The 40 days was just the beginning of how my heart needs to be in each day of my life. 
As I discuss perfect timing in my thanks for today, I reflect back on my night last night and the previous day with Jason. 


Thursday: 


9:30 AM The girls leave for Thanksgiving with their dad and his family. 
9:45 Jason and I leave for a fun filled day together, in celebration, in love, and in need of not sitting in an empty quiet house. 
10:00 Cinemark - The Blind Side - what an excellent movie - no expectations of it, but I would see it again and again and most likely will add it to my "The Girls Need to Watch This" movie collection. 
12:25 Leave movie and head south to III Forks for a 3 course meal
12:45 We are seated and began giving thanks for all we have, are able to provide, and the course both of our lives have taken up to this point
2:00 We leave and head north again - time for New Moon - much better than the first, but a little disappointed it wasn't better ( The Blind Side was REALLY good)
4:30 It's Starbucks time - we barely make it before they close! 
5:00 Going to our 3rd movie of the day Precious - I was prepared for the content of this movie and, though, it was disturbing, I believe it painted a very real picture of many of the youth in our country. 
7:30 Now what? 


The whole day we had been right on time for every movie, every reservation, and even for a peppermint mocha! Perfect timing was in every move we made, every stop at a red light, every moment that danced across our day. 


We ended up at IHOP. I ordered a BLT and it came without the T. I laughed it off. After all, "T" had been our theme for the day- so had the number 3. Thursday, Thanksgiving, III Forks, 3 movies, and we never left the toll (Dallas North Tollway). 


After that we decided to get home for some sleep before the 4 AM trip to Target! 


As a complete side note, any man that can get up that early to shop with crazy people who use shopping carts as weapons, still find the good deals AND make me laugh in the wee hours - is perfect in my book. :) 


Last night after we got the girls to sleep and settled in their beds, we settled on the couch with som TV. 


Perfect timing.  Even though I have this movie - the channel that was on the screen was playing Facing the Giants. I don't care what type of movie watcher you are - this is an excellent movie with excellent scenes and a lifelong message if your heart is open to it.


God's timing is perfection. In the chaos, it IS perfection. Our attitudes reflect our hearts. Faith is going the distance BECAUSE we do not know what is ahead. 

As I watch, I realize that the main character decides (chooses) to show gratitude in every situation - win or loss, on the field or off. Once he decides to do this, his life takes an abundant turn. 


I begin thinking of this song that I accidentally stumbled upon last week:


I'm Still Yours - Kutless
When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away?
If You take it all, this life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

Even if You take it all away
You'll never let me go
You take it all away and I still know
That I'm Yours, I'm still Yours



Gratitude in all things, FOR ALL THINGS creates ABUNDANCE. 

Change the World?

I just finished reading The Alchemist and one of the main motifs of the book is that everyone in the world has their own "personal legend." A personal legend is very much like a life's purpose or the path that God lead's us on. My Maddie would say her personal legend is to use her God-given talent for art and express emotion through her drawings or to cause emotion from those who see her art. 


I think we ALL have a purpose in life and many times it will involve our talent. 
I know people who are great at decorating, organizing events, giving, singing, drawing, writing, reading, drawing people closer to God, making people laugh, teaching.....


Well, the list could go on and on, but bottom line is even if you don't see it or don't believe it you have something to give the world. 


I think for some of us it's difficult to keep that focus when life gets in the way. We tend to forget how our talents are making other's day or making them smile or showing them something about themselves. 


If we choose to ignore these talents or stop listening to that intuition, then we are really failing to fulfill our life's purpose. True happiness comes from following through with those whispers from our soul that tell us to "do what we love." 


**********************************


40 Days of Thankfulness


Well, I'm on day 24. There have definitely been days where I've struggled with my nature to come up with something positive instead of leaning on the negative. 


Despite that struggle, I've managed to think of usually many, many things I'm thankful for on a daily basis. 


The greatest blessing for me is not only reminding myself of the power of my gratitude, but just how fast the idea has caught on with other people. 


My friends took the idea and their friends took the idea and so on and so forth....until now we have a 40 Days of Thankfulness group with over 200 members! 


It humbles me to see that so many people are taking this concept and literally running with it and passing it on to others. 


If you aren't on Facebook, MySpace or Twitter, don't let that stop you! Email your friends and send it out to them each day - or text them your thankfulness. It will surely catch on and chances are they will keep you accountable. :) 


We all have the ability or talent to change the world. Sometimes I think we get caught up in the need for it to be a BIG change, but when you think about it, it takes many, many tiny little snowflakes to create a blizzard. 


Let the gratitude blizzard continue . . . 

Lead by Example

"...this provides that outlet"


"Tell me more about the 40 day thing....you know it is never to late to start new."

"What is this 40 days of Gratitude? I really like it, but where did you get the idea?"

"Gratitude really is contagious! Another of my FB friends loves the 40 days, so I invited her along too!"

"How did u stumble upon this 40 days of thankfullness? can i join u?"

"I love this, so i'm gunna join u!"

"I'm interested in 40 days of thanks! Can you give me info on it?"

"Ps - May steal this idea! Love it!"

...mind if I steal it?"

*******************************************

When I began this 40 Days of Thankfulness/Gratitude, I honestly, did it mostly for me. I knew that, personally,  I needed to focus on the positives in my life even during the frustration, struggle, tribulation, loss, and uncertainty. 

I knew that if I sent out negative energy all I was doing was creating more negative energy. I know better than that even on a social networking site. I know the power of thought and prayer. It's worked so many times in my life for both the things I wanted/needed and for the things I was trying to keep at a distance. So, I tried to think of something that would impact my life, but also be a positive for others. 

I had no idea what I was starting, really. After Day 3 or 4, I began getting messages and requests to repost my note. Several friends had friends who wanted to join or who wanted to know what it was about. Of course, this entire 40 Days idea has not been about me but for me.  If others were getting something out of it, too, then great! :) I was/am happy to share my note and idea with anyone and everyone who wants to join in on the concept. 

Today and yesterday I noticed a boom in people who wanted to join - friends of friends of friends. 

I love reading how excited people are about being thankful. I don't know about you but I seriously get enough negativity during the day at work or in other ventures. I don't need to think up more negative or read about it as soon as I log onto Facebook. Don't get me wrong, we all have the occasional vent, but when we find ourselves doing it daily, it obviously becomes a habit. 

So why 40 days you ask? 

Well, it is no secret that I'm spiritual and have a relationship with God/Jesus. 40 days wasn't something I really noticed until I did a bible study once and it lasted 40 days. After that, earlier this year I began fasting for 40 days. Both times, the 40 days seemed to be a huge commitment, but afterwards, I felt so rewarded and changed. It became a habit and a way of life; something I began to continue even after the 40 days was over. I had cleansed my heart, soul, mind and body. Truly what goes in, comes out, wouldn't you agree? So, 40 Days. But does it end then? I sure hope not! Ironically, my 40 days will come to an end the week of Thanksgiving. Truly amazing, since I didn't plan it out at all. 

Why Facebook or other social networking sites? 

I've said it before - these sites are astoundingly famous for being able to send information out in such a quick manner. Within the hour we knew that Patrick Swazye had died or who was winning the VMAs. 

Why not use it as an "outlet" as someone above describes? Facebook is an outlet. After all, we all love telling what we're up to during our day. And even more so, whether we admit it or not we love the ability to go and see what others are doing without them knowing it. It's a fascination that our society has developed in the past 10 years or so. I think using this power for positivity is a wonderful tool to help change the world and be a leader. 

Should we only post status' of our thankfulness? 

I do, but that's just me. If I am only posting the gratitude list in my life, then I'm continually focusing on that gratitude. Not everyone does this. Many that have joined are doing their 40 days and then later in the day still posting other things. I think that as long as we are focused on being thankful, positive and showing gratitude then the purpose is being fulfilled. But if we stray from that and let those negative thoughts or vents out, we are more likely to fall back into that pattern of comfort. 

I'm not saying I don't want to post those things. I find myself, especially from Day 5 - Day 9 wanting to post about the discomfort of pregnancy, that I had to pay $70 for an appointment that I didn't make, or that I broke my favorite olive oil container. But I hesitated and remembered my goal - changing my way of thinking. 

****************************

I don't know how far this idea will go or if anymore people will decide to join with us. 

I don't know if some will shy away from it because they think they already have enough gratitude in their lives. (is there really such a thing as too much?)

I don't know if all those who have joined will be up for withstanding the commitment, but . . . 

I do know that no matter what - some people are getting in the habit of recognizing their blessings more often and in doing so may be telling those people who didn't know how important they were just how life would not be the same without them! 

The Power Of Gratitude

I've been thinking a lot about how so many people are on Facebook or Twitter lately. My friends age range span about 50 years. To me, this is an amazing thing and a powerful tool of united people across the globe.

I've also been thinking how fast information gets out to our friends or the public if we have a public profile. We post that someone has the flu and before 10 minutes is over it can be all over a small town.

Then, I was reminded last week, how some people either continually use their status to vent on an on-going basis or they seem status-crazed by updating their status every few minutes.

I have a friend who actually goes in and deletes people based on the substance of their social networking content. Then, because of deleting people, she seems to get flack because the other party thought they were "friends." I have my own opinions of the whole "facebook friend thing," but I'll save that for another day. :)

While sitting at a red light the other day, I realized that I could use Facebook to bring both positivity into my life and remind others of the positives in their life. Some of my own friends already do this and their words of encouragement always make my day better.

I'm a BIG believe in an attitude of gratitude and so I thought as we approach the holidays it would be a good time for me to once again remind myself and the things I'm most thankful for.

I do this for several reasons:

- focusing on the blessings leaves less time for worry

- acknowledging our own blessings allow us more time to also help others

_ an abundant attitude creates more abundance

- gratitude stresses the importance of living in the moment

-being reminded of the non-tangible in my life puts less focus on the things I have or think I need


- creating my own thankful heart helps my girls to develop their own gratitude

- Even on the worst of days, there is always something to smile about or be grateful for


It's so much easier to vent or be negative, but putting thought into being positive creates that positivity we all need during our daily struggles. So - even though I find myself wanting to post a venting status or put a negative spin on something - I won't. And putting those positives in writing makes them even more powerful.

For 40 days I've decided to post my thankfulness of the things and people in my life. Ironically, I will finish day 40 the week of Thanksgiving.   I invite you to join me! :) 

What We Need When We Need It

I often write about how God usually sends us what we need at the exact time we need it. 
********************
Friday was a very emotional day. Not only was I worried about Madison, so sleep deprived, and missing Avery, but a friend of mine lost her husband after being ill with the flu and developing other complications. I worked with this friend back while I was in college, when their oldest child was just a baby. Although, I never got to spend a lot of one on one time with them, I so enjoyed working with her. She had a great attitude, bright smile and positive outlook on life. 


So many from my hometown had gathered either physically or wirelessly to join in prayer for their entire family. I worried for them, but prayed more. My previous post has a bit to do with what I was thinking last week while checking Facebook often to see if prayers had been answered. Unfortunately, Friday afternoon I got word that things had gone from bad to worse. 


I hid my emotions from Madison, but around 4 pm, Jason came to the hospital to relieve me. I got in the car, turned on my iPod, and cried during the 40 minute drive home for a shower. I so remember that raw emotion of those first few days. I've written many times about my experience, but have saved most of my writing for the in-progress book that I'm hoping to have published someday. 


The next day we got the good news that Maddie could go home. So, with Jason working and Avery not home, Madison and I sat down to watch a movie called Faith Like Potatoes. I've heard good things about it and was excited to just chill, relax, and enjoy time resting. 


I did good until about 3/4 of the way through the movie. Not so good. Why did that scene have to be in that movie at the exact time that I just wanted to forget the week? That scene gave me horrible flashbacks to the very day we lost my brother. 


Needless to say, I was in tears and not hiding it from Maddie anymore. Just in typical Maddie fashion, she creeped over toward me, started rubbing my hair, and said "It's ok momma." She knew I was sad about friend, she knew why I reacted as I did to the movie, and she knew the lack of sleep we have all been dealing with for 2 weeks. We ended up finishing the movie, and although it's really a great movie, I doubt I will be watching it again "for fun." 
*******************************************
This morning I was having to motivate myself to get up and get ready for work. But we all made it out the door on time! 


I had a long day of training ahead of me and was just glad I didn't have to teach! 


As I rounded the corner to the computer lab, I caught a glimpse of one of my favorite people ever. I've written about this family before after losing their daughter. I had the oldest son during my very first year of teaching and now, ironically enough, I work with him. I have always loved his family, but after their ordeal, I grew to admire them more than they even know. So, this mom has subbed as a nurse before and the last time I ran into her, was a time when I really needed to see her. 


Today was no different. I shared with her my weeks events and how I just wanted to relax on Saturday. She shared with me that the same thing happened with her when she tried to watch the movie Fireproof and one of the first scenes from that movie. Boy, did I ever understand that. 


She is such a strong, Christian woman who has shown the greatest of strength at the most difficult of times. Her presence alone just makes you feel all warm inside. And every time I see and talk to her, I remember my own strength and what an abundant life I have. I truly can only hope that I can bless someone's life the way that she has done for so many. 


And yet again God sent me exactly what I needed at the exact time I needed it. 

There is " No Plan B"

I've discussed on this blog once before the option of Plan B. 


My reading of The Shack has brought me and many people I've encountered into a new dimension of understanding  those things in life that aren't part of our first plan. 


Though, as we are going through them it feels as though someone is punishing us. I've been there a few times, and as I've said before the death of my brother was one of those greater times. 


I avoided reading The Shack because I did not want to revisit those emotions. I didn't want to keep asking why or keep not understanding the "plan." I knew the basis of the story and just couldn't bring myself to read about that type of situation or read the families reaction. 


As God always does, he continues to try to get into my thick hard-headed brain and feed my spirit and soul the food it needs to go to the next step. 


Now, as weeks have gone by and I've let the "dust of the book settle" I've tried to keep myself in the same frame of mind that I left the book. 


**************************************************


Recently, so many of the friends I have either close by or long distances have been sick or have family members sick. 


Some of them had great hurdles to overcome because of how things are with the flu, h1n1, and the increase in pneumonia, or strep. 


For whatever reason, things may not always turn out the way we expect or hope. I've been praying non-stop for specific families the past few weeks. Some have the endings we expect and others have not. 


I've been thinking about this for a while and then today realized:  There is No Plan B in God's plan. He doesn't need a backup. 


We only have a "plan b" because the way we planned it didn't happen or because we expected much different results. Our perceptions require us to have a plan B. 


I know I can find many, many, many "plan b's" in my life and I'm sure you might be able to, as well: 


* adoption
*death of a young family member or a family member for any reason
*illnesses
*divorce
*step parenting
*loss of a job
*broken relationships


I think Plan B's make us feel like we are more in control and just possibly they give us great hope for our future despite whatever tribulation we have had to endure. 


However, I believe that just because "God works incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean He orchestrates the tragedy."


People use to tell me and my family all those generic things you say after someone passes: " God knew something we didn't." "God has a plan" "God has His reasons." There were times I even found myself saying those phrases later in life because that was what I'd heard. But after years of thinking about my own situation and reading as much as I can, my mind opened to a new thought. 


To me those phrases mean that we are in a sense blaming God for that event that has unfolded. Maybe blaming is too strong of a word, but I don't believe God reasoned a tragedy, illness, or struggle. My God doesn't work that way and I'm faithful in knowing that He has the ultimate power to take senseless events and turn them around for the good of all of us. 


He promises to never leave us. His plan is THE plan. It's hard to remember that but God is good and loves us all the time - not just during the stuff we plan. 


"All things must unfold even though it puts all those He loves in the midst of a world of horrible tragedy and loss - even the ones closest to Him." 

I Hope You Dance.....

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 


This has been my song to Maddie since she was a baby. I use to dance with her everyday to this song. 


She is my "old soul" daughter. Most times when we meet people, like today at the hospital, everyone comments on how mature she is for her age. She is mature. She is so perceptive and knowledgeable. She listens to everything and already teaches me so much. 


I've always believed that God puts people in your life purposefully. I think our children are no exception. Even though we are their parents, they are given to us as a gift. I try to remember this even when life can get busy and chaotic. If we take the time to look closely, we can see God through their words, actions, and love. 


Madison dreams big dreams and even copies my practice in creating a dream board (aka vision board).
I started this practice when she was about 3 or 4 and she sat down right along with me and created her own board. When we look back many of our dreams or hopes have actually happened: me meeting Harry Connick, Jr, her having a High School Musical Party, even down to the exact dining room table I have. At times I forget the power of our thoughts, words, and visions. 


Madison doesn't. She says that she will be an artist. She has said this for years. I even wrote a while back about the piece she wrote about "God given talent." She loves creating, drawing, coloring and teaching. She attended an art camp this summer and thrived. However, when I ask if she'd like to take an art class after school, her response was "No, mom. I don't want other people to tell me what to draw or how to draw." 


No argument from me. :) I don't want people to tell me what to dream or how to dream either. 


We discuss all the possibilities of her love for art: making and decorating cakes, being an architect, designing clothes, .......


I have an admiration for her that she may never know. I admire her love for everyone. I admire her giving nature. I admire her sense of humor. I admire her strength. I admire her artistic abilities. I admire her love for God and the ongoing conversations she tells me about having with Him. 


I adore her laugh, her smile, her hugs, and her ability to carry on a conversation with most adults. 


I hope that she is reminded of God's greatness. I hope that she continues to dream and keep them in sight. I hope that she will always remember that when doors close, many others open. I hope I have given her enough love, wisdom, and insightfulness that she will always choose to dance. 




Here's her art from this past week - she decided what and how.....

She's Got A Way

She's got a way about her

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her

She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know what it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know why it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
************************************************
Ah, Avery. The child that had I had her first would be an only child. I say that out of a lot of love and a lot of expelled energy. 

I always love to tell of how when I was pregnant with her I was still running at 5 months, eating right, avoiding all the things I was suppose to, only eating the things that I knew were good for both of us. 
She was energetic the whole time, and during labor, I was busy talking about the Mavs in the playoffs. Days later, I was already back to my workout regimen and feeling great. Easy peasy. 

However, after 4 1/2 years with her, she has been the one who makes me cry the most and laugh the most. Probably because she is just like me. 

I see it on a daily basis and just today told her that there wasn't enough space for two of us. You may laugh, but the two of us wear me out and Jason and Maddie I'm sure. 

Maddie definitely puts up with a lot of drama when Avery is around. Just today at the dr while Maddie sounded as if she'd cough up a lung any minute, she politely asked to leave the room and wait outside while Avery got her 5 shots. Good call. Took 3 of us holding her down and it's a wonder one of us didn't leave deaf. That girl has got a set of lungs on her. 

I've decided to document some of her funniest moments, phrases and words here, mostly for myself but also just to make you laugh during a week where so many have been sick. 


Preschool

 Avery is in her 2nd year of preschool. She loved it last year, but this year we've had a different encounter. Starting about 2 weeks ago, I started getting little notes in her folder from her teacher about how "Avery isn't finishing her work" "Avery is the last one finishing" "Avery stopped coloring because she said her hand was tired" ....and so on. So, after these little notes, I went to the store, bought a few preschool books, crayons, white board markers, and some scissors. We do a page a day and work on the small things - finishing the page. 


About a week ago, while dropping Maddie off at school, I asked Avery "Tomorrow is preschool are you going to be good?" In the rear view mirror I see her shake her head no. 


"No?"
"I mean yes, mama. I'll be good." 
"Will you finish your work?"
"Yes"

A few minutes go by...

"I don't like preschool."
"Why, Avery?"
"It's hard work and I'm already sick of it." 


The next day I pick her up, check her folder and see that she only colored the roof of a barn black. The rest was as it was given to her. 


"Avery, why didn't you finish coloring your barn?'
"I did."
"It's white." 
"Just the other day we passed a white barn with a black roof." 

Looks like I couldn't argue with that. 


So, this past week I get an e-mail from her teacher. 


I love her sense of humor. She tells little stories and says her sister cracks her up. 


Well, at least I didn't make up that she is funny. I'm just hoping that her stories are TRUE. She'll still tell you point blank that she doesn't like preschool and IS NOT going to kindergarten.

Doctor Vists
She is the child that I wait until the very last minute to tell about ANY doctor visit.

The dentist trip was a disaster because I mistakenly took her for Madison and told her a day in advance that she was going. She cried the entire way there because she didn't want them to take pictures (xrays). Thank goodness she wasn't due for them on this visit. That didn't make it any easier, though. She wrestled us just getting in the chair. These dentists don't mess around: they have DVD players, wireless headphones and TV screens on the ceiling; game room, stickers, and prizes. We left with no tears and hopefully an easier visit for next time.

Last week we went to the dr. just to make sure she wasn't sickly. I didn't tell her until we drove up to the dr's office. She asked me the whole way there:

"Where are we going, mama?"
"Oh, just for a little drive." 
"Where?"
"it will be fine. I promise."

I had to talk her out of the car and still she went in with tears left on her face. They promised her no shots on that visit. She was a big girl even during the strep test.

Today was a little different story, though. I told her that they were only going to weigh her and check her ears.

"Are you sure that's all they're going to do?"
"I think." 
"Are they giving me a shot?" 
"I don't think so." 
"TELL THEM, MAMA. TELL THEM NO SHOTS!"
"Ok. I'll tell them." 

Upon entering and check in, she immediately tells them she doesn't want a shot. The nurse just nods and smiles. The receptionist calls me back over and says "She's getting 4 shots today. 5 if we do the flu shot."

I knew this, but never promised she wouldn't get a shot. Just that I would tell them she didn't want them. Ah, the fun of parenting different children.

They call us back, she hesitates with weight, eye check, and height. We get in the room and she's already crying. Good thing I brought reinforcements (aka Jason) with me.

After Maddie was finished, I sent her out to get her school note.  Avery looks at me and says -

"Why am I still sitting up here if they are done with me?" 
"Am I done?" 
"Are we going home now?" 
"I'm still sitting here, mama."

Her dr who has been their dr since both of their births, looked at us and said "She's too smart for her own good." 

I will spare you the details of getting 5 shots, but it wasn't pretty and the 3 of us were almost in tears when it was over. 

Good news: She is done until she is 12! And since the shot is why she was refusing kindergarten, she says she's ready for it now! 
***************************************
I leave you with some of her funniest phrases lately:

*Unspickable (dispicable like on Looney Tunes.) You are unspickable, Jason. 
*Cracking smoke ( rearranged from my phrase smoking crack) Mom, Maddie is cracking smoke again. 
*Memember (remember) Memember when I was little I use to call lotion sasa?
*Avery-ham lincoln (Abraham Lincoln) Avery-ham Lincoln is on the penny!
*Would you please teach me karate (
*I can't stop breathing (Jason responds "Good. You're not suppose to!")
*Don't be mean to your children (anytime I make her mind or tell her no)
*I heard lightening. I knew there was storm. Get out the glow sticks! (she actually watches the weather)


No matter what is going on around me, whatever stress or struggle that is happening, she always makes me smile and reminds me that life can be fun all the time. :)