I Love You, Lord

Many years ago, at a very young age, when life was dark, sad, empty and confusing I would sit and listen to music over and over. One of those songs was called "I Love You, Lord" with very simple, yet powerful lyrics: 

I love you, Lord 
And I lift my voice 
To worship You 
Oh, my soul rejoice! 
Take joy my King 
In what You hear 
Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear

I would literally cry out these words while listening and hoped that someday my words, my actions, and my thoughts would be a "sweet sound" to Him. 

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Fast forward to Sunday. 

Jason was on-call, so while he was out doing rounds, I was home watching and listening to Elevate Life Church knowing that ,as always, it would speak to me. 

What I didn't expect was for the melody of "I Love You, Lord" to begin playing before the actual sermon. All I could do was sit there, listen, sing and pray. 

A few hours later I was at the track running my long run. If you haven't read about my marathon training(click here), you should catch up (start around Dec 4th). It's not about losing weight. It's about discipline of self and spirit. 

See, I know/knew that I could never get to a place mentally or spiritually to finish my book unless I started giving up some things. The book. You know, the one that has been in progress for years? 

So, I knew immediately when my friend, Becca, texted me and asked me to do the marathon that I had to say yes. I knew it was a door of opportunity to get me from point A to point B. (or C, or D) :) I knew that her text was really sent by God. My story, HIS story needs to be told. 

What I didn't know was how powerful that discipline and time with God would be already. 

On that long Sunday run, God and I had a long discussion. I admitted to him a lot. I cannot do life without him. I cannot do this book without HIS words. I cannot and have not done anything in life without him - ever. 

I prayed the same prayer I've prayed for years: 

Speak through me. Love through me. Give through me. Teach through me. Be in my thoughts, words, and actions. Use me in whatever way YOU need. I surrender. 

Something different happened that day, though. I can't say what exactly. 

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Monday

Not once, not twice, but THREE times I had THREE different people stop in my office. 

All THREE conversations had a theme, the same theme - "Do not worry. He is in EVERYTHING. He cares."

What's great about all three of those conversations isn't the coincidence of the number 3 (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), but more so the theme of each conversation and what I got out of each one.  

My book is about my brother's death, my family's struggle through that, my lesson that gratitude through anything can take you higher. I thought all of those were my themes. 

However, I'm pretty sure that another big theme is this: "God was there the moment I saw my brother for the last time. God was there the moment I knew I needed to grab him back inside. God was there when he fell. God was there when we cried. God was there. God was there. God was there." 

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Tuesday

We woke up later than ever. It was a typical morning, though. Breakfast, hair, clothes, more hair, and then out the door. 

I had a busy day at work. There wasn't much time to think or reflect. I had one great conversation that stood out. 

It was rainy and cold. I had a run planned. I left at 5:45. My foot was slightly injured, but I went anyway. 

Press on! I told myself

30 minutes later I knew I needed to stop and rest my foot or I wouldn't be able to walk. 

As I walked myself off the track, I cried and cried. My run tonight was frustrating. I felt defeated. I had dinner, I showered, and was in bed by 8:30. 

--------------TEXT MESSAGE-----------

Me: Sorry I missed your call. Went running. Now in bed. 

Shelsea: Ur birthday present place (click here for that blog post) called me today. I guess I was the only one that put a phone # on my donation. They wanted to talk to you. 

Me: Really?! Did they say why? 

Shelsea: I didn't want to give them your number so I gave them your address and your blog. 

Me: Wow

Shelsea: They were so grateful. They wanted to interview you and present you with something. 

Me: No way! 

Shelsea: They asked me who you were and why I made the donation in your name. 

Me: That's AWESOME! 

Shelsea: I told them to check the dates Dec 4-6 and see if there was an increase in donations those days and she confirmed that there were....

Me: I'm in TEARS! Wow! 

Shelsea: I was in tears. She asked how I knew you and why you chose this as your bday gift. I told her (didn't think you'd mind)

Me: Thank you so much for sharing this! 

Shelsea: No thank you! It was the best call & birthday gift I've ever given - to know that I have helped someone else. 

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Thank YOU

Thank you to every single one of you that donated to a charity (specifically Hope Cottage) in my name for my 35th birthday. You have made a difference in a life. You have given of yourself. You have changed the world and that, my friends, is what we are CALLED to do.