Today, I sat in my 6th funeral in 8 years. Every single one was for a student who died suddenly by either a health condition or a car accident. I live for my students just as they were my own children. They touch my life just like my own girls. I mourn for them just as I did my own brother.
This week, something that I was really hoping for turned out to not happen. It won't happen. That opportunity just wasn't in the cards. I'm working on accepting that.
After getting home from the funeral, I tried to struggle through those emotions. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I do not feel faithful today. I know what I said yesterday. I know. But my heart cannot take all the pain of those around me.
After thinking I was better, I went onto Facebook only to find that one of my very close friends had updated her blog. Please go there. Now. Read it and join with us in prayer and positive thoughts for Karly. They need as many people as possible to support them during this difficult time.
Here I am today. Yes, I'm asking God "Why?" I'm only human right? I can only be positive so long. Today I'm done. I'm sad. Being there gathered for Karley (yes her name, too). Remembering all the times she sat in my class, all the times I had to force her to drink her Monster drink before she walked in my room, seeing her page with our class pictures on it, it's all hard to swallow. Watching her mom walk down to the pew, I had a flashback of my own brother's funeral. So, today, I'm allowing myself to ask "Why?"
Why does plan B have to show up in our lives? I know it's all part of a bigger plan. I know, but yet my heart doesn't comply with that thought today. I know that God takes all things and makes them for good, but the pain isn't resolved today at all by that thought. I know all of this, yet, I continue to ask "why."
