There is " No Plan B"

I've discussed on this blog once before the option of Plan B. 


My reading of The Shack has brought me and many people I've encountered into a new dimension of understanding  those things in life that aren't part of our first plan. 


Though, as we are going through them it feels as though someone is punishing us. I've been there a few times, and as I've said before the death of my brother was one of those greater times. 


I avoided reading The Shack because I did not want to revisit those emotions. I didn't want to keep asking why or keep not understanding the "plan." I knew the basis of the story and just couldn't bring myself to read about that type of situation or read the families reaction. 


As God always does, he continues to try to get into my thick hard-headed brain and feed my spirit and soul the food it needs to go to the next step. 


Now, as weeks have gone by and I've let the "dust of the book settle" I've tried to keep myself in the same frame of mind that I left the book. 


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Recently, so many of the friends I have either close by or long distances have been sick or have family members sick. 


Some of them had great hurdles to overcome because of how things are with the flu, h1n1, and the increase in pneumonia, or strep. 


For whatever reason, things may not always turn out the way we expect or hope. I've been praying non-stop for specific families the past few weeks. Some have the endings we expect and others have not. 


I've been thinking about this for a while and then today realized:  There is No Plan B in God's plan. He doesn't need a backup. 


We only have a "plan b" because the way we planned it didn't happen or because we expected much different results. Our perceptions require us to have a plan B. 


I know I can find many, many, many "plan b's" in my life and I'm sure you might be able to, as well: 


* adoption
*death of a young family member or a family member for any reason
*illnesses
*divorce
*step parenting
*loss of a job
*broken relationships


I think Plan B's make us feel like we are more in control and just possibly they give us great hope for our future despite whatever tribulation we have had to endure. 


However, I believe that just because "God works incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean He orchestrates the tragedy."


People use to tell me and my family all those generic things you say after someone passes: " God knew something we didn't." "God has a plan" "God has His reasons." There were times I even found myself saying those phrases later in life because that was what I'd heard. But after years of thinking about my own situation and reading as much as I can, my mind opened to a new thought. 


To me those phrases mean that we are in a sense blaming God for that event that has unfolded. Maybe blaming is too strong of a word, but I don't believe God reasoned a tragedy, illness, or struggle. My God doesn't work that way and I'm faithful in knowing that He has the ultimate power to take senseless events and turn them around for the good of all of us. 


He promises to never leave us. His plan is THE plan. It's hard to remember that but God is good and loves us all the time - not just during the stuff we plan. 


"All things must unfold even though it puts all those He loves in the midst of a world of horrible tragedy and loss - even the ones closest to Him." 

I'm trying. Really.

I hate this week. I'm saying it. Disagree if you must, but every single day this week it  "plan b" has popped up. I don't just mean in my life, but in those around me, also. 

Today, I sat in my 6th funeral in 8 years. Every single one was for a student who died suddenly by either a health condition or a car accident. I live for my students just as they were my own children. They touch my life just like my own girls. I mourn for them just as I did my own brother. 

This week, something that I was really hoping for turned out to not happen. It won't happen. That opportunity just wasn't in the cards. I'm working on accepting that. 

After getting home from the funeral, I tried to struggle through those emotions. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I do not feel faithful today. I know what I said yesterday. I know. But my heart cannot take all the pain of those around me. 

After thinking I was better, I went onto Facebook only to find that one of my very close friends had updated her blog. Please go there. Now. Read it and join with us in prayer and positive thoughts for Karly. They need as many people as possible to support them during this difficult time. 

Here I am today. Yes, I'm asking God "Why?" I'm only human right? I can only be positive so long. Today I'm done. I'm sad. Being there gathered for  Karley (yes her name, too). Remembering all the times she sat in my class, all the times I had to force her to drink her Monster drink before she walked in my room, seeing her page with our class pictures on it, it's all hard to swallow. Watching her mom walk down to the pew, I had a flashback of my own brother's funeral. So, today, I'm allowing myself to ask "Why?" 

Why does plan B have to show up in our lives? I know it's all part of a bigger plan. I know, but yet my heart doesn't comply with that thought today. I know that God takes all things and makes them for good, but the pain isn't resolved today at all by that thought. I know all of this, yet, I continue to ask "why."