I'm back blogging. Again.
It's been almost an unbelievable month since I've blogged. Like the past few years of my life, this past month was a bit stressful. I really cannot pinpoint why, but it definitely affected my health. I've never been so sick as I was this past month. I *do* believe: stress kills. It caught up with me and wouldn't let go. I'm so glad to be blogging again, though. It's a sign I'm gaining against the stress. Writing is as good for my soul as chocolate.
Not talking.
I think one of the best things I ever did was NOT talk about what was going on in my life while it was going on. It was already too much to deal with for me and my circle of trust but there was no way I could've repeated all that was happening to everyone who was just curious. I would pass on this advice to anyone I know going through a struggle and ironically, I have passed it on to two different friends in the past month. It's funny how everyone thinks they know what's going on in your life based on a facebook status or by what they hear from others. It's even funnier that people actually were offended that I didn't take the time to tell them everything. Truthfully, though, we all struggle with something on a daily basis. It doesn't mean we always have to talk about it, right? Hence, the reason I haven't really been blogging.
Getting married.
This sort of goes along with "not talking." I stopped living my life for everyone else. After all, they only knew pieces of my life. I stopped thinking of what others thought. I decided that not talking really helped give me permission to feel what I felt and begin living my life. It allowed me time to grieve, time to love my girls, time to find a "new normal." I'm running my race. It will never be like anyone else's. It will require things that aren't required of others. So, when Jason came into my life I had pretty much thought that I would go the rest of the race alone. I was ok with that, too. But then, he became "the list." The list I should've made at 17. The list I tell my girls about now. The list empowers you and allows you to really know yourself. Besides the list, I let the girls lead. I made no decision without knowing how they felt about it first. I didn't go forward with anything unless I knew that they were safe, secure, and solid in the next steps. So, just as everyone was really finding out about the divorce, we were already past that stage and feeling out just how Jason would fit into our family. Now, here we are. And it cracks me up when people are so surprised. For us, we are settled and ready to see what the future holds! In a small town, many of you know what a feat that is - going a whole year w/out anyone really knowing or being able to give their opinions. It just kills some people. ;)
Reading.
Since Friday I have finished the third of the Twilight series, Fireproof, and am now 1/2 way done with Breaking Dawn. One of my other favorite reads is a blog written by my friend, T. I love her blogs b/c they are real, raw, and truthful. They aren't always happy face blogs, but she always inspires me. They ALWAYS trigger strong emotion after I finish them. She, like all of us, is on a quest to better know her life, her relationships, and herself. I don't get to comment every time, but tonight I want to tribute her and her writing. She's not afraid to say what she thinks or feels. Check her out!
Vacating.
No kidding. The minute I left town and went into the cool mountains of NM, my stomach pain stopped. I slept more than I have in a year. I laughed and loved and listened. The silence. Being on top of a mountain and stopping in your tracks is fabulous. You are there. God is there. I know he speaks in the silence. If only we could find more time to find the silence. I know we would all be much wiser and calmer. So, I'm back home and ready for relaxation, no sense of time and for the silence to envelope around me.
Girls.
They've always been the best things I've ever done. They are my breath, my life, and my sunshine. I learn more about myself just by watching and listening to them. Maddie is 1/2 of me and Avery the other 1/2. I see my flaws in them, my talents, and more than anything God's grace in each of them. I'm so blessed to be their mama!
So, this summer we all will be doing something that we love.
Maddie will be taking art camp. Art heals her and allows her to speak through drawing. I love that she's tuned into this at such a young age.
Avery will start ballet. If you only knew how often she spins around to music......She thrilled about doing something that is all her own.
And I'm tossing around an idea of my own. I've never taken any kind of dance class, but I'm seriously thinking of signing up for one.
Life is too short to have regrets.
Life is too short to wonder what if.
Life is too short to not try the things you've always wanted to do.
Go. Do them. I'm giving you permission. It will be the best thing you ever did....
