A Father's Love

No. It's not Father's Day. Not even close, actually. However, this topic came up over the past week in my life. 

Without going into much detail in order to protect those involved, I will only say that dad's seem to have a very important role in our lives whether we were adopted, taken care of my a grandparent, have two dads, none, or had someone step up to the role when no one else would. 

I've often said in this blog - "God will put in your life the things you need at the exact right time." I absolutely without a doubt believe that includes people. 

More often than not, I can look back on my own life and see where God planted people in my life to give me what I was not getting from those who were directly responsible. 

I think this is a fascinating thought. 

God will give us what we need, when we need, and who we need.

Now, I know there are people out who would beg to differ or debate with me and that's ok, too. 

Always drawing from my own experience, I have seen this thought in action. 

Being adopted, God immediately stepped in and gave me what I needed - who I needed. 

And then there was a time in my life as I grew older that I would need someone to mentor me, someone to teach me normal behaviors, real unconditional, non-judgemental love. 

Here are some more examples of ways that God worked in the lives of some of my close friends: 

"From the time i was born until i was 17 my grandpa was my dad. I have never known what it's like to have an actual dad so i've never been sad or mad about it, it's just the way my life has always been. But my Grandpa was the most incredible man I have ever known. It didn't matter how bad I screwed up he was always on my side. I could talk to him about anything and he would give the best advice he could. He taught me about sports, made sure I had a basketball, football, soccer ball, etc." ~Tami

"My step-dad is the best man in the world. I never refer to him as that (step-dad), but I don't call him dad in conversation, either. I call him by his name, David. I have a wonderful father that I call "dad," but that doesn't mean that I don't absolutely adore David. He has loved and supported me over 20 years and I'm by far the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life." ~Melissa

"My dad showed me that a true father always puts his child first no matter how old they get. He showed me that there is no other love like the love of a father. The bond between a daddy and his little girl is the strongest bond ever! A bond that no one or nothing can break or come between. He was and always will be my hero!" ~Stormy

"I had a step dad who I loved dearly and thought of him as my dad. But he and my mom were only married a month to the day when he died in a car accident. It has forever affected me, in the short time I knew him, he just meant the world to me and I was devasted when he died. I was just 8 years old. Even though my dad was in my life and saw him several times a year, there's lots of issues with him. I can't change it, he's still my dad and I still talk to him and love him. But my stepdad was much more of an actual father than my real dad was, even though it was just a short time." ~Ashli

I love the different perspectives from the stories above because it reflects all the different ways a "dad" can affect our lives. Some dad's are also grandpas, some are step-dads, and often times some are just a close family friend. 

They don't have to be our real dad to make a difference. 

We can call them whatever we we feel, but the truth is their role in our lives will set the tone for us for the rest of our lives. 

35 Favorite Things

Since I'll be 35 in a few days, I thought I'd make a list of all of my favorite things and share them with you. Some are silly some are not. 


1. Sugar Cookie Tea (Celestial Seasonings)- a little cookie in every cup. (add some brown sugar)
2. Aquaphor - dry skin, chapped lips, on the eyes, cuts - buy the big tub. Worth every $. 
3. Rescue Remedy - Every mom should have a bottle in her purse. For days when you wish it was another type of bottle. 
4. Pinterest - If I want to pretend I'm creative and a good cook. 
5. Mary Kay anti-aging moisturizer- moisturizer is key, everyday. Seriously. 
6. Essie - any color. :) Love them all. Currently wearing Mint Candy Apple on the toes. 
7. Piloxing - like 90's Tae Bo except combined with pilates and empowering. 
8. Starbucks - I had a McDonald's coffee the other day. They say it's the same. They lie. 
9. M.A.C. nude lipstick. Let's face it - M.A.C. anything. 
10. Otterbox for iPhone. I drop my phone a lot. My iphone still looks new. :) 
11. Squeezable Applesauce (GoGo Squeez) - best invention for kids. Especially ones who only eat applesauce not at the table. 
12. Beco Butterfly 2 - best. baby. item. ever. Gift it to someone! You can carry your kid until they are 70 lbs! ;) 
13. Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark. I've tried to recreate it. It worked, but still not as good.
14. Netflix - on the wii, tv, ipad, iphone, ipod
15. Holiday movies - Christmas Vacation is my FAV!  Halloween is never too early! 
16. Hobby Lobby - always a sale, love their decor, I can always find something I love
17. Turkey bacon - healthier, less greasy, leaves you feeling better than the real stuff. 
18. Lemon oil or any oil by Aura Cacia - I love LEMONS! Burn it, put it in the bath, rub some on your wrist, add it to your homemade scrub
19. Keyring App - never carry those grocery store reward cards again! :) 
20. Saturday Night Live - Laughing reduces stress. Stress is the silent killer. Watch SNL. 
21. My crock pot - check out Stephanie O'Dea's "Year of Slow Cooking"
22. Black forest cherry caramel apples - trust me. you want one. (no pic. pretty sure I'll have to recreate this myself)
23. Victoria Secret - No secret here. Wear what makes you feel beautiful and girly! Splurge the extra $$ on it - you're worth it! 
24. AdvoCare Spark - wanna buy some? I sell it. :) One in the AM, one in the PM - this is how I survive work, kids, etc. 
25. Blankets - Since I was little I always loved them. My favorite was given to me by a student in 2007. The tag has worn down so no idea where it came from. It soft and warm on one side and slick and cool on the other. *snuggle*
26. TOMS - Yes, the shoes you buy and someone else gets a pair. It's true. And they are SO comfy. I want to wear them everyday! 
27. Pomegranates - red, juicy, sweet, messy. What's not to love?!
28. Sally's Beauty Supply Bobby Pins - THEY REALLY HOLD! :) 
29. Chocolate Covered Cherries from Sprouts - always a weekly treat to myself
30. Criminal Minds - CBS, Wed - I know it's not light hearted but I love mysteries and the characters! 
31. Cranberry Orange Scones - a weekly treat over donuts in our house! Kids LOVE 'em! (adults do too!) Easy "fake out" for people who think you slaved in the kitchen. ;) 
32. Elf on the Shelf - by far my favorite family holiday tradition. Elf mischief is FUN! :) If you have kids, you NEED ONE! 
33. Elderberry Spray - I start it in September! The spray is much more acceptable by the kids, too!  
34.  FRXtion Sugar Exfoliator and Lip Balm - not all balms are created equal. I've very picky about mine. This is a sugar scrub and lip balm in one! The case has a tiny mirror, too! Always almost sold out when I go in for it. 


35. This quote: "We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the ONLY path. ~Paulo Coelho 

Knowing better, doing better

I could tell you that the exchanges between me and the ex were always pleasant, but you wouldn't believe me. I will speak candidly about this today. 

Truthfully, they are usually painful each and every time. I am hopeful and faithful that this will change. Friends have told me that I'm hoping in vain and that most likely nothing will change. Like always, though, one of my weaknesses is always seeing the good in everyone. At times this doesn't work in my favor. 

It's very hard watching your children go through a relationship that seems to mimic your past relationship with their father. Without going into much detail in order to protect everyone involved, I will only say that the dynamic of the relationships are complete opposite and yet so familiarly the same as the one with me. Before, I could sort of shield everyone including myself from the pain that was. Before, I could coach everyone on what to say and how to say it. Now, though, I have to be in the background as a support: watching and waiting. Waiting for what exactly?

Aren't we all waiting for something? Something to change? Someone to change? A relationship to heal? A relationship that is fulfilling? Waiting for forgiveness? Waiting for love? Waiting for a realization? Waiting for acceptance? 

Instead of waiting and regretting, I see that I was living so unconsciously until about the time I turned 29 or 30. Unconscious of my words, actions, and decisions. I'm working hard on accepting the things I cannot change. I am trying greatly to come to the acceptance that those relationships might not change. They might, but maybe my girls will. I've said before that I want them to be strong women and to stand bold in their boundaries with everyone, including men. 

Today, I'm acknowledging that I need to accept a few things. I need to accept where my life is now, today. I need to accept my past and those past relationships. I need to accept that I cannot be the "fixer" of all things. I need to accept that it's ok to say "no" and not worry about hurt feelings. I need to accept that I cannot control others' emotions or actions. I need to accept life in the spot where I am right now. I need to accept that having regrets always takes someone you love out of your life. If it weren't for any part of the past, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have all that I do today. Those special people in my life would've never made it to my heart. 

I see that as I know better, I do better. I am working hard on doing better with relationships, boundaries, goals, time management, and parenting. Knowing better and doing better brings about change. I accept that today the only person I can change and the only thing I can change is myself.