The Climb

Every time I turn on the radio, it seems that Miley Cyrus is in my head.......

Her stardom reminds me so much of my own childhood with New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, etc. . 

The girls love her and The Jonas Brothers. I should probably think about getting tickets for them. Wouldn't I be the cool mom for the year? (like that's my main goal in life. HA!)

So, I bought The Climb from iTunes and added it to the iPod for the girls to listen to in the car.

 

On my runs lately it seems that it continuously comes on and I can't help but listen. . . . 

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

_________________________

Wow. This reminds me of the past year and a half. 

My faith was shaking. 

Never really thought I could reach any goal during such a difficult time. But I knew for the girls sake I couldn't give up. 

I had to keep going. 

Moving. 

_________________________

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Aint' about what's waitin on the other side

It's the climb

____________________

No matter what is going on in life, there will ALWAYS be another obstacle. Another goal.

No matter when we get to the "other side" there will always be another steep hill to climb. 

I will always want to move mountains. 

As much as I like to succeed at ALL things in my life, I have to accept that I will not ALWAYS win. 

___________________

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that 

I'm gonna remember most

Just gotta keep going

______________________

Things might push me down to the ground, but I will always land on my hands and knees and stand up strong again. 

The difficult times, the struggles, the joys behind those and because of those struggles ARE the things I will remember most. 

This is what life is about, really, isn't it? 

The climb. 

Walking by Faith

This week and last week my readers could definitely tell that the issue of faith has been on my mind. There are a few things in my life that I'm really having to let go and let God, if you will.

Faith and Grace are both names I chose for the girls middle names. I chose them for a multitude of reasons, but mainly because I believe that we cannot live abundantly without either of these things. They are difficult to remember in times of hardship, but so very important for our growth as a human.

Faith has definitely been on my mind a lot this month. I have been thinking and contemplating it a lot. Last week, the church service mentioned a story about Blondin. He was a guy who put up a tight rope over Niagra Falls. He walked across many times and used many theatrical approaches. People on either side of the rope believed he could do it and cheered, but upon asking if someone would volunteer to travel on his back as he crossed there was only silence.

It's easy for us to be faithful. Easy to have faith in others, faith in ourselves, faith in God, if it is from afar. It's easy to be faithful when things are going our way. We praise when things work out exactly how we picture. But what if they don't? What if the end result is not what we were expecting? What if we are asked to put our faith just one step further? What do we do then?

Faith to me means being faithful in all circumstances, continuing our faith even when our expectations take a turn in the opposite direction. We must have faith especially in times of tests and tribulation. Faith is jumping on that tight rope even when everyone around us sits in silence and thinks you are crazy. :)

Winds of Change

The wind. 

I admit that since I can remember I have seen the wind as my enemy. First, my hair is all over the place. Second, whatever particles are swirling around in the air at 25 mph always end up in my contacts and therefore make my eyes hurt like nothing I've ever felt. Third, walking and getting in and out of a car is almost impossible. 

I remember this one time while growing up in W. Texas. I was walking back into the high school after an extraordinary lunch at Paula's. (What memories! What I wouldn't give for one of those chicken tacos! )The wind was blowing about 30-40 mph as it always does. For some reason, I took my contact out of my eye while walking up to the school. (stupid!) Yes, you guessed it. There went my tiny, blue contact. *GASP* How would I ever find it? I didn't,  but a really great friend did. (thank you! thank you!)

Now, I like to think of myself as a person full of gratitude, but the wind is one thing that I really need to work on. I try to be thankful for such an important part of nature and our lives. 

Wind is really important. Wind disperses seeds as it blows and helps to provide many different types of transportation. Wind can also create energy in forms of electricity and therefore, causes change. This is the thought that I keep getting stuck on. 

One reason I love the wind is because you can feel it and hear it, but you can never touch it. Though, you always know it is there. Lately it is has been around a lot. Each time I walk outside the past week, I've become more aware and conscious of my dislike of it's presence. 

Faith. 

I have never really struggled with my faith. When I am faithful in something or someone, it comes full force. I'm faithful that prayers can be answered. But faithful that it isn't prayer alone that causes change. Just as it isn't the wind alone that causes energy or change. We have to take that step, jump off that cliff, be still and just let the wind blow around us in some cases. 

Lately, I feel the winds of change in my life. I feel it all around me. Life is changing and ever present. Sometimes, just like the winds, the changes come fast and furious. Many times we aren't prepared and our lawn furniture gets blown all over the yard. When that type of change comes we often feel our emotions are all over the place. We usually need time to "clean up" after that storm. 

Today, the change is good. I see it. I feel it. I cannot touch it, but I know it's there. Just like the wind, change is will always be present. I usually am very welcoming of change, but now I'm learning that many of the things I wasn't thankful for are so important in my life and necessary for the shaping of my heart and spirit. I'm going to work on being faithful in the fact that all things are meant for good. Even those things that we would rather avoid. 

I leave you with this: " What will you do with change or what will change do with you? 

Knowing better, doing better

I could tell you that the exchanges between me and the ex were always pleasant, but you wouldn't believe me. I will speak candidly about this today. 

Truthfully, they are usually painful each and every time. I am hopeful and faithful that this will change. Friends have told me that I'm hoping in vain and that most likely nothing will change. Like always, though, one of my weaknesses is always seeing the good in everyone. At times this doesn't work in my favor. 

It's very hard watching your children go through a relationship that seems to mimic your past relationship with their father. Without going into much detail in order to protect everyone involved, I will only say that the dynamic of the relationships are complete opposite and yet so familiarly the same as the one with me. Before, I could sort of shield everyone including myself from the pain that was. Before, I could coach everyone on what to say and how to say it. Now, though, I have to be in the background as a support: watching and waiting. Waiting for what exactly?

Aren't we all waiting for something? Something to change? Someone to change? A relationship to heal? A relationship that is fulfilling? Waiting for forgiveness? Waiting for love? Waiting for a realization? Waiting for acceptance? 

Instead of waiting and regretting, I see that I was living so unconsciously until about the time I turned 29 or 30. Unconscious of my words, actions, and decisions. I'm working hard on accepting the things I cannot change. I am trying greatly to come to the acceptance that those relationships might not change. They might, but maybe my girls will. I've said before that I want them to be strong women and to stand bold in their boundaries with everyone, including men. 

Today, I'm acknowledging that I need to accept a few things. I need to accept where my life is now, today. I need to accept my past and those past relationships. I need to accept that I cannot be the "fixer" of all things. I need to accept that it's ok to say "no" and not worry about hurt feelings. I need to accept that I cannot control others' emotions or actions. I need to accept life in the spot where I am right now. I need to accept that having regrets always takes someone you love out of your life. If it weren't for any part of the past, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have all that I do today. Those special people in my life would've never made it to my heart. 

I see that as I know better, I do better. I am working hard on doing better with relationships, boundaries, goals, time management, and parenting. Knowing better and doing better brings about change. I accept that today the only person I can change and the only thing I can change is myself.