Change the World?

I just finished reading The Alchemist and one of the main motifs of the book is that everyone in the world has their own "personal legend." A personal legend is very much like a life's purpose or the path that God lead's us on. My Maddie would say her personal legend is to use her God-given talent for art and express emotion through her drawings or to cause emotion from those who see her art. 


I think we ALL have a purpose in life and many times it will involve our talent. 
I know people who are great at decorating, organizing events, giving, singing, drawing, writing, reading, drawing people closer to God, making people laugh, teaching.....


Well, the list could go on and on, but bottom line is even if you don't see it or don't believe it you have something to give the world. 


I think for some of us it's difficult to keep that focus when life gets in the way. We tend to forget how our talents are making other's day or making them smile or showing them something about themselves. 


If we choose to ignore these talents or stop listening to that intuition, then we are really failing to fulfill our life's purpose. True happiness comes from following through with those whispers from our soul that tell us to "do what we love." 


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40 Days of Thankfulness


Well, I'm on day 24. There have definitely been days where I've struggled with my nature to come up with something positive instead of leaning on the negative. 


Despite that struggle, I've managed to think of usually many, many things I'm thankful for on a daily basis. 


The greatest blessing for me is not only reminding myself of the power of my gratitude, but just how fast the idea has caught on with other people. 


My friends took the idea and their friends took the idea and so on and so forth....until now we have a 40 Days of Thankfulness group with over 200 members! 


It humbles me to see that so many people are taking this concept and literally running with it and passing it on to others. 


If you aren't on Facebook, MySpace or Twitter, don't let that stop you! Email your friends and send it out to them each day - or text them your thankfulness. It will surely catch on and chances are they will keep you accountable. :) 


We all have the ability or talent to change the world. Sometimes I think we get caught up in the need for it to be a BIG change, but when you think about it, it takes many, many tiny little snowflakes to create a blizzard. 


Let the gratitude blizzard continue . . . 

I Know I Can

*waving* Hello, blog readers! Here I am again. Things have been busy. *cough* cough* That's an understatement.

Work has been busy, but life has been busier. All those power struggles I thought I would have were shadowed by life.

We've all heard the saying "Life gets in the way of other plans." Well, it seems that my life continues to teach me this no matter how many times I think I've learned it.

After training 9 days in a row, my mind is exhausted. Even so, I can still look you in the eye and tell you how much I love my job; how much joy it gives me to help others; how much I love working with people and learning what it takes to get them to reach new levels. I can tell you how much I love using a microphone. Wow. I was able to use microphone all morning and didn't want to stop talking. Once I spoke, all eyes were attentive listening to what I had to say. Ha! Not like it was that important, but still. I realized I could probably do that weekly and be relaxed doing it. Who would've thought - as a child I was soooo shy and never wanted eyes on me. Weird that I'd rather speak to large audiences through a mic, but tell me you have thrown me a party with 50 of my friends, and I would freak. So, exhausted or not - I am thankful for a job I enjoy.

For the past two weeks, while training, I've also been going to multiple dr visits. Maddie has been sick. Symptoms are crazy and don't seem to go together. My mind has been worried, my heart achy from watching her grimace in pain and tell me it hurts. We have tried everything and taken tons of tests (all which have come back normal so far).

When she first complained, I thought 'Well, it will be something easy, fixable.' My mind never once allowed the thought that she might not be well enough for school. Until this week.

After Friday's visit, I walked out pretty sure even the one dr I had the most faith in didn't know what was wrong. Worry set in. It didn't help that almost everyone around me was saying it was "just stress." Hmmm. Maybe, but I live with her day in and day out. I watch her. I talk with her. I know she's not "faking" her symptoms just for attention. I know she wishes more than anything she wasn't sick and could be with her friends.

I'd planned to rest over the weekend. Saturday I thought we would all make a park visit and get some fresh air, but later that morning Jason called and said he was in ER. Accident at work. Nothing major. Minor and hurting, but he's ok. That put me in a completely different mood. What was the deal? Little did I know, him being home this week would be a HUGE blessing and couldn't come at a more right time.

So after 4 dr visits in a week and hearing the news that she will have to miss the very first day of school, I can only find myself finding comfort and strength in the one thing that has always gotten me through.

God gives to His servants this promise:
You’ll not have to face life alone;
And when you grow weak in your struggle,
His strength will prevail—not your own.

I absolutely DO NOT believe in coincidences. So, when I walked into convocation on Tuesday and sat in the back of our new auditorium with all of those educators, I knew I'd hear something inspiring. I wished and hoped I would. Then, this from photojournalist Dewitt Jones:

"Change is our ally. Times of the most change, offer the most possibility. Live in uncertainty and act in confidence. When we believe it we will see it. It wasn't how you planned it, but what is right with the situation?"

This youtube clip doesn't do the entire video justice.(If you would like a longer clip - email me) It brought me back to the core of what I believe. And I needed it because I was in doubt.

I had forgotten that when at the edge of a cliff, the winds can take us higher than we imagine.

Knowing better, doing better

I could tell you that the exchanges between me and the ex were always pleasant, but you wouldn't believe me. I will speak candidly about this today. 

Truthfully, they are usually painful each and every time. I am hopeful and faithful that this will change. Friends have told me that I'm hoping in vain and that most likely nothing will change. Like always, though, one of my weaknesses is always seeing the good in everyone. At times this doesn't work in my favor. 

It's very hard watching your children go through a relationship that seems to mimic your past relationship with their father. Without going into much detail in order to protect everyone involved, I will only say that the dynamic of the relationships are complete opposite and yet so familiarly the same as the one with me. Before, I could sort of shield everyone including myself from the pain that was. Before, I could coach everyone on what to say and how to say it. Now, though, I have to be in the background as a support: watching and waiting. Waiting for what exactly?

Aren't we all waiting for something? Something to change? Someone to change? A relationship to heal? A relationship that is fulfilling? Waiting for forgiveness? Waiting for love? Waiting for a realization? Waiting for acceptance? 

Instead of waiting and regretting, I see that I was living so unconsciously until about the time I turned 29 or 30. Unconscious of my words, actions, and decisions. I'm working hard on accepting the things I cannot change. I am trying greatly to come to the acceptance that those relationships might not change. They might, but maybe my girls will. I've said before that I want them to be strong women and to stand bold in their boundaries with everyone, including men. 

Today, I'm acknowledging that I need to accept a few things. I need to accept where my life is now, today. I need to accept my past and those past relationships. I need to accept that I cannot be the "fixer" of all things. I need to accept that it's ok to say "no" and not worry about hurt feelings. I need to accept that I cannot control others' emotions or actions. I need to accept life in the spot where I am right now. I need to accept that having regrets always takes someone you love out of your life. If it weren't for any part of the past, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have all that I do today. Those special people in my life would've never made it to my heart. 

I see that as I know better, I do better. I am working hard on doing better with relationships, boundaries, goals, time management, and parenting. Knowing better and doing better brings about change. I accept that today the only person I can change and the only thing I can change is myself.