Relax? What's that?

Someone told me today that I haven't been blogging a lot lately and that they worry when I post a blog like my last (Regrets.) 


Honestly, when I write I don't think anyone really knows the source of what prompted the blog except me. Like anything else, we can read what we want to in pieces of writing. All in all I'm thankful for all the broken roads that have lead me to this exact spot. 


And while I'm being honest here, lately I've had a lot more on my mind than blogging. Imagine that! 


I didn't mean for life to get in the way of something I love, but recently it has anyway. 


My mind races all the time: How much longer until Jace arrives? What do I need to get now in order to be ready? Will I actually be able to handle life with three? 


Then, there's work. Since I'm going on maternity leave you can imagine how busy I am right now cramming all I can in the next 4 weeks. And since teachers actually get rewarded for spending time with me, I rarely have an hour of down time. I love my job, but there are days that I know I could do a better job if I wasn't carrying around an extra person. :) 


Truthfully, none of us should let life get in the way of relaxing, but we all do it. . . .


*bills
*work
*kids
*responsibilities
*worries
*caring for others
*volunteering
*cooking
*shopping
*cleaning


If we let them, theses things can take our joy away. 


"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."  - Sydney J. Harris

I don't know about you, but relaxing brings me joy. 

If my mind is focused on any one thing, my heart and soul are not open to what my fingers could blog about. 


Tonight, I've taken time to RELAX. My body hurts, I'm going on 5 hrs of sleep, and there's always tons to do, but I decided it was a must. If I don't make relaxing and reconnecting with my soul a priority, no one else will. I'm a MUCH better mom, friend, wife, and employee when I take care of myself. 


Here are some things I enjoy doing to help me relax, many are things I did tonight: 


*burning essential lavender oil around the house
*turning the lights low
*lighting a fire
*snuggling with the girls before bed
*doing yoga and breathing deeply
*listening to soothing music
*listening to Jason play xbox (volume turned down)
*taking in each raindrop that hits the window


What about YOU? What do you like to do to relax your mind, take a break from your day or rejuvenate your soul?

I Know I Can

*waving* Hello, blog readers! Here I am again. Things have been busy. *cough* cough* That's an understatement.

Work has been busy, but life has been busier. All those power struggles I thought I would have were shadowed by life.

We've all heard the saying "Life gets in the way of other plans." Well, it seems that my life continues to teach me this no matter how many times I think I've learned it.

After training 9 days in a row, my mind is exhausted. Even so, I can still look you in the eye and tell you how much I love my job; how much joy it gives me to help others; how much I love working with people and learning what it takes to get them to reach new levels. I can tell you how much I love using a microphone. Wow. I was able to use microphone all morning and didn't want to stop talking. Once I spoke, all eyes were attentive listening to what I had to say. Ha! Not like it was that important, but still. I realized I could probably do that weekly and be relaxed doing it. Who would've thought - as a child I was soooo shy and never wanted eyes on me. Weird that I'd rather speak to large audiences through a mic, but tell me you have thrown me a party with 50 of my friends, and I would freak. So, exhausted or not - I am thankful for a job I enjoy.

For the past two weeks, while training, I've also been going to multiple dr visits. Maddie has been sick. Symptoms are crazy and don't seem to go together. My mind has been worried, my heart achy from watching her grimace in pain and tell me it hurts. We have tried everything and taken tons of tests (all which have come back normal so far).

When she first complained, I thought 'Well, it will be something easy, fixable.' My mind never once allowed the thought that she might not be well enough for school. Until this week.

After Friday's visit, I walked out pretty sure even the one dr I had the most faith in didn't know what was wrong. Worry set in. It didn't help that almost everyone around me was saying it was "just stress." Hmmm. Maybe, but I live with her day in and day out. I watch her. I talk with her. I know she's not "faking" her symptoms just for attention. I know she wishes more than anything she wasn't sick and could be with her friends.

I'd planned to rest over the weekend. Saturday I thought we would all make a park visit and get some fresh air, but later that morning Jason called and said he was in ER. Accident at work. Nothing major. Minor and hurting, but he's ok. That put me in a completely different mood. What was the deal? Little did I know, him being home this week would be a HUGE blessing and couldn't come at a more right time.

So after 4 dr visits in a week and hearing the news that she will have to miss the very first day of school, I can only find myself finding comfort and strength in the one thing that has always gotten me through.

God gives to His servants this promise:
You’ll not have to face life alone;
And when you grow weak in your struggle,
His strength will prevail—not your own.

I absolutely DO NOT believe in coincidences. So, when I walked into convocation on Tuesday and sat in the back of our new auditorium with all of those educators, I knew I'd hear something inspiring. I wished and hoped I would. Then, this from photojournalist Dewitt Jones:

"Change is our ally. Times of the most change, offer the most possibility. Live in uncertainty and act in confidence. When we believe it we will see it. It wasn't how you planned it, but what is right with the situation?"

This youtube clip doesn't do the entire video justice.(If you would like a longer clip - email me) It brought me back to the core of what I believe. And I needed it because I was in doubt.

I had forgotten that when at the edge of a cliff, the winds can take us higher than we imagine.

Power Struggles

2 girls

1 mom

45 days (note - should be more, but who's counting?)

One of the perks of being a teacher or in the education profession is that I get the same days and holidays off as the girls.

When I first decided to become a teacher I was more focused on changing the world, paying forward what some great teachers did for me, and pursuing a never-ending learning environment. As the first year turned into seven, I decided I wanted to step out of teaching in a typical classroom and do something different.

Now that I have been in my particular job for a year, I begin appreciating different aspects of teachers, students, and education. One of those things is how much I love that I'm usually able to leave work at work. This was not something I did while teaching 150 students each day. I don't bring home people's technology problems with me. Some think I should - but, um, no.

This last year my schedule was flexible enough to be with Maddie on important days at her school. I was able to watch the music program that typical parents weren't allowed into; I was able to see her answer math questions and take spelling tests. She was also able to see me in my work environment, being all professional. I was able to take Avery to preschool and pick her up. I was there for her first day and was able to be there within minutes if she was sick. She definitely needed that little bit of extra time with me each week. I've been so thankful to get to spend these special moments with the girls. It was definitely a God-send job. His timing was perfect.

Then school was out.

YYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEE!

We ALL needed the break. My 2 1/2 months of summer vacation is one of my favorite things about teaching. Let me break it to you non-educators, though, that find yourselves saying "must be nice to be off that long" - WE AREN'T. This is a little known secret of teachers. Nevertheless, we all do our best to take time off and enjoy the time we get to ourselves to just be us - not Mrs. So-and-So.

The girls and I slept late most days, workout some days, cooked lots of days and enjoyed each other's company ALL days.

We all needed the bonding time and benefited so much from the time to just be and be together.

Then, we turn on the TV or see the newspaper ad: BACK TO SCHOOL

Ugh. Why?! No!

Nevertheless, it's the end of July and I've already been back to work part time 10 business days. Not to mention all the random meetings I had to throw in there before.

The Power Struggle?

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that we all wish for something to happen in the future:

I can't wait til my kids go to bed w/out getting up a zillion times

I can't wait til my kids are able to cook for themselves

I can't wait til my kids do _____, ______ or ______

A quote that my friend, Andrea, posted on twitter recently has been imprinted on my mind for the past few weeks:

"Sometimes we wait and wait for God to move.

Then when He does, we protest that He's moving too fast." -Beth Moore

I have to stop myself and remember that things WILL move too fast. Life is short. I need to be living in the present and be happy with where we are when we're there.

Even if "there" is our small period of separation anxiety. We all get it. We miss each other like crazy when I have to be gone. They cling a little longer, kiss a little more, and are content just sitting next to me when I get home.

They never see me cry over this. But even as Maddie goes into 3rd grade, I cry. I miss them as much or more than they even know. I rethink this whole "work" thing and always try to come up with that million dollar idea that will land me time at home or the ability to travel with them. As you see, I'm still working on that.

So, for the next few weeks I will struggle with getting up, going to work, leaving the girls, and learning my own lessons. They will struggle to let go a little and learn to fly a little more.

Thanking Tuesday

I've decided to be thankful for those things I'm not fond of head-on. Bring on the wind. Bring on Tuesdays. 

3:00  AM - wake to see J off

7:00 AM -Oops! I got up late. Maddie is already dressed and ready. Wow. 

7:15 AM - breakfast for me and girls; Avery gets up. Finally. 

7:30 AM - still working on my makeup and all of our bedheads

7:45 AM - out the door. Whew!

8:00 AM - must be ready to meet with elementary school principal regarding her laptop

9:00 AM - must be at the administration bldg for a technology meeting

11:45 AM - leave early for presentation at elementary. 

12:05 PM - realize that I'm way early for meeting. I jet off for a quick lunch. 

12:25 PM - back at elementary and present to the sweet kindergarteners. 

1:10 PM - leave fun, small children; en route to bigger, more sarcastic children at HS. 

1:20 PM - meet with co-worker; discuss weekend briefly

1:30 PM - bell rings; 13 broadcast students pile in and begin working on their projects

2:00 PM - realize my lesson plans are STILL late

2:30 PM - class almost over; vice principal surprise visit

2:45 PM - break free to make it to the elementary school once more for Tuesday Tech Training

3:00 PM - check on Madison and her friend. Homework is a must!

3:15 PM - give my teachers a wealth of information about technology, professional development and skype. 

3:45 PM - leave finally after individual questions. 

3:50 PM - Avery is dropped off by my BFF Kim. 

3:52 PM - time for the BOOKFAIR. At least I get to miss tonight's crowd. 

4:15 PM - time to run to the store

4:30 PM - one errand left, but it can WAIT. 

5:00 PM- Finally home. *sigh*

Was this day crazy? Maybe. Was it abundant? Maybe. 

On this Tuesday, I took time to breath, albeit in between stop lights and slow trash men, but breaths all the same.  I took time to acknowledge my gratitude for my job.  

The most impactful moment of my day? The second I found out the news that a former student was found dead in her bedroom early this morning. 

Stop. 

I'm breathing. Have a job. My girls. Our health. All that we truly need. 

Tuesdays are full of blessings, after all. 

Red Light Stop

Haven't we all been going somewhere only to find ourselves sitting at the never-ending red light? 

Today, I found myself sitting at the only red light in town with 3 minutes to get to the one HS class I teach that was about 4 miles on the other side of town. It seemed to last longer than ever. Typical. 

But something happened while I was sitting at that light. I realized that God has His ways of making us stop and breathe. I was forced to take a much needed emotional breath. My day has been crazy. Avery went to preschool crying. Then, her teacher told me that she has had bouts of sporadical crying for the past month. (why she didn't feel the need to tell me, I have no idea)

And my job. I love my job, don't get me wrong. It's the best job I've ever had. (don't gag, it's the truth) However, some days are a bit overwhelming. Each hour I usually have appointments of some sort: with individual teachers, with classrooms of elementary students, with administrators or with a random person who catches me in the hall and has a technology "emergency." 

2 days before Spring Break and all I can think is "Who cares about spring?" "GIVE ME THE BREAK!" I like to think that God has a sense of humor. Hence, the red light. :) 

I'm tired of checking the time, the calendar, my schedule. For the next 9 days, I want to live life w/out being at someone's beck and call. I don't want to travel the entire time and find myself burnt out more than before. I desperately need to sleep late, sit outside with a cup of coffee, blog a bit more, write more of my book, color with the girls, and see where the day takes us. I wish that we all could be forced to take a "spring break." I think our society would benefit from the time off. Why does the break only happen during school/college? Someone seriously needs to study this and figure up the results. 

Anyhoo. . . . it turns out that the red light also helped me in another way. 1 mile after I turned at said red light, I passed a nice police car. Whew! *sigh*