Conversations with a 4 year old

I don't think anyone could ever imagine a conversation with Avery unless you actually have had one before. 

Here are some funny things she's conversed with us about lately: 

Me: If you don't do what I asked on the 2nd time, you'll go back to "time out." 

Avery: That's ok! I like time-out! 

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Avery: Bubba (Jace) is growing. 

Me: Yes, he is. 

Avery: Let me see your belly button. (I do)

Avery: Mamacita! Your belly button looks crazy! 

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Me: "Maddie! The game is on!" 

Avery: Maddie isn't coming like she said she would. 

Me: It's ok, she doesn't really like sports anyway.

Avery: She is NOT minding. 

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Me: Avery, you really should do your Valentine cards for preschool. Do you want to do that tonight?

Avery: No. 

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Avery: Papi, no matter what you think I'm still a girl. 

Jason: You act like a boy. 

Avery: No, I'm a woman. 

Jason: Stop crying like a little girl, then. 

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Scene: Evil black cat creeping around the corner. 

Avery pulls out her Webkinz kitty. She pokes it out and says "Meow." Evil black cat runs away. 

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Avery: Papi! Papi! Lift me up and exercise. (Jason bench presses her)

Avery: Do it again! Do it again!

Avery: I'm gonna wrestle you for a week. 

Jason: No, fool. We need to take a break. 
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Waitress: How's the food?
Me: Great! 
Avery: This macaroni and cheese tastes weird. I don't like it. 
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After burning her mouth from hot chocolate delivered by a new waiter instead of our regular waitress, she cried. 
Me: Calm down. I put ice in your cup to cool it off. 
Avery: I am NEVER come back to this place again. 

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Avery: I smell something. 

Jason: It's your upper lip. 

Avery: No, it's YOUR upper lip. 

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Avery: Is today-tomorrow preschool? 

Me: Tomorrow you go to preschool, yes. 

Avery: Today-tomorrow? 

Me: Yes, tomorrow.

Avery: Today-tomorrow when I wake up. 

Me: YES. 

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These conversations are non-stop all day everyday.........Needless to say it's an adventure with her no matter what we are doing and she can always find something silly to laugh about, which is a daily reminder for us to not take life so seriously! 

Relax? What's that?

Someone told me today that I haven't been blogging a lot lately and that they worry when I post a blog like my last (Regrets.) 


Honestly, when I write I don't think anyone really knows the source of what prompted the blog except me. Like anything else, we can read what we want to in pieces of writing. All in all I'm thankful for all the broken roads that have lead me to this exact spot. 


And while I'm being honest here, lately I've had a lot more on my mind than blogging. Imagine that! 


I didn't mean for life to get in the way of something I love, but recently it has anyway. 


My mind races all the time: How much longer until Jace arrives? What do I need to get now in order to be ready? Will I actually be able to handle life with three? 


Then, there's work. Since I'm going on maternity leave you can imagine how busy I am right now cramming all I can in the next 4 weeks. And since teachers actually get rewarded for spending time with me, I rarely have an hour of down time. I love my job, but there are days that I know I could do a better job if I wasn't carrying around an extra person. :) 


Truthfully, none of us should let life get in the way of relaxing, but we all do it. . . .


*bills
*work
*kids
*responsibilities
*worries
*caring for others
*volunteering
*cooking
*shopping
*cleaning


If we let them, theses things can take our joy away. 


"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."  - Sydney J. Harris

I don't know about you, but relaxing brings me joy. 

If my mind is focused on any one thing, my heart and soul are not open to what my fingers could blog about. 


Tonight, I've taken time to RELAX. My body hurts, I'm going on 5 hrs of sleep, and there's always tons to do, but I decided it was a must. If I don't make relaxing and reconnecting with my soul a priority, no one else will. I'm a MUCH better mom, friend, wife, and employee when I take care of myself. 


Here are some things I enjoy doing to help me relax, many are things I did tonight: 


*burning essential lavender oil around the house
*turning the lights low
*lighting a fire
*snuggling with the girls before bed
*doing yoga and breathing deeply
*listening to soothing music
*listening to Jason play xbox (volume turned down)
*taking in each raindrop that hits the window


What about YOU? What do you like to do to relax your mind, take a break from your day or rejuvenate your soul?

A 9-year-old list....resolutions? Nah......

While most people were busy starting their new year with a long list ( or a short one for that matter) of resolutions, my nine year old was making a list of what she wants in a boy. 


I've mentioned on this blog before exactly how important I think it is for the parents of girls to start early and instill in them what to look for in a boy/man as they grow into strong, independent women. I call a list like this non-negotiable items when it comes to relationships. And while her list make grow and change with her, Lord knows I wish someone would've sat me down and had me think through a list like this, even at 18. 
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Here's her list that I, by the way, did not help her with......all items she came up with herself most probably based on her experience with me and her dad compared to Jason and I. Kids are perceptive, I say, more than you could ever imagine. 


1. funny
2. will stick up for me
3. a great personality
4. will love and respect me like Jason & mama
5. not clingy
6. have his own friends
7. be able to laugh all the time
8. has a good memory (like for birthdays and stuff)
9. lets me be independent and not force me to do "his stuff"
10. not agree with me all the time
11. not secretive
12. be his own person but still a good dad/husband/boyfriend
13. don't disregard others
14. has to be honest and truthful
15. good with money and saving
16. has to protect me
17. should not be embarrassed by his love for me
18. had to be trustable
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I'm willing to bet that there are some people out there MY AGE who have many of these things on their NNL, too. :) 

Own It

Once again, my friend, T, has started my wheels turning. 

She posted about a good blog and I went there to read after a long day of waiting in line at various places. I didn't expect to be enlightened. I didn't expect that the subject matter would coincidentally run right along with what I've been experiencing. 

Something that I've learned after 2 marriages, lots of relationships, and looking myself in the mirror often is that I have issues. He has issues. They have issues. We all have issues. 

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times, a little hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Monroe.

I feel like I'm in a constant quest to find these issues, look them straight in the face, and stomp them out of existence. 

These issues randomly show their ugly face  and force me to deal with them. When I'm living consciously it's easy to pin point the issue, deal with it and move on. 

When I'm not conscious the issue has the ability to last a lot longer than I'd like. 

The thing about Jason and I is that the minute we met, we began discussing our issues and recognizing what we needed to work on individually. This is probably one big reason that out of everyone in the world, I feel the most comfortable with him; I feel safe to be me, feel what I feel, and ask for what I need. 

Together we recognize our "triggers" and talk them out. 

Last night was a perfect example. Something set me off. A work thing. Had absolutely nothing to do with anyone I love. I was furious. So mad that I yelled and then entered the "I can't speak" mode. Jason has never seen me this mad. Heck, it has been a long time since I've felt that mad. 

He wasn't sure how to react. I wasn't sure how to vent. So, I left and went for a long run. I didn't know leaving would trigger an issue with him. I didn't realize right then that my leaving wasn't really necessary when he was right there ready to walk me through the vent. 

It wasn't my intention to push him away or to trigger an issue. 

The biggest blessing about our relationship is that we communicate. It's hard. I won't lie. It takes COMPLETE presence. If I need something, I say it. If he has an issue, he brings it up. Our respect for the other is so much so that we've never truly had a "fight."  Between the two of us, we've had our fair share of  "sure-fail" relationships. It was through those encounters, though, that we both learned what's most important. Together we are much different people than we were with those past men or women. With age and experience, we got to this point. 

He explained that my anger and leaving set something off in him. I explained that I am *still* getting use to having him as a safeguard during every emotion. I've never had that. I have to remind myself *still* that my issues are not our issues. 

My issues are my issues. His issues are his issues and... in order to push through those fears, insecurities, and anxieties.........

We must own them. 

Blech

Blech. 

Blech. 

Blech. 

I haven't blogged lately because this is how I feel. I'll say it again. Blech.

Today was blech. I feel down. Not really depressed but emotional. Sad. Angry. Annoyed. I can't say why, but it wasn't the best day in history, right? 

I wasn't a HUGE fan of Farrah or Michael. And Ed never showed up at my door knocking with a million dollar prize. But just as I am human, anytime a human life is mourned I get sad along with everyone else. 

All of a sudden I want to sit and listen to Michael Jackson songs. It would be a first. I don't think I even own one song. 

The one thing that has really been bothering me lately is the fact that I'm sick. Not like the flu or a cold. Honestly, I don't really know what I have, which is part of the frustrating part. If you don't know what it is, you don't really know how to help the problem. I do my best to exercise and eat whole organic foods, but I really have no idea if it's helping at all. 

Many people, especially those I grew up with probably had no idea, but at age 11 I was diagnosed with something called Crohn's disease. After reseach, drs don't know what causes it and only know how to control it. It will never just go away. Severe cases required medication. I never really had difficulty with it and other than a few "episodes" during stressful times in my teen years, no one would've known I had it. My right side usually hurts much like apendicitis, but it's not. The pain is usually so bad that I cannot walk. But it usually doesn't last more than a few hours and I've never had to take regular medication for the symptoms. 

I do have to stay away from the following: broccoli, roughage (lettuce), fried foods, caffeine, refined sugars, cheese, milk.............

See? even some of the good stuff isn't good for me. BLECH. 

It obviously had no effect on having kids. I went through 2 pregnancies and had no flare ups. I've had to go through the tests though. Twice so far. Usually once every 10 years. You know, the test where you have to drink that chalky drink? BLECH. They never really found any sign of distress during those tests. 

However, in the past 6 weeks I've had 2 of the most difficult flare ups that I've ever experienced in my life. What concerns me the most is: 1. No one really knows what is causing it. 2. The pain is much different and  much worse  than ever before. 

So. Monday I will call my new best friend, Dr. Eidem and schedule another round of tests. I'm less than thrilled to say the least, but for peace of mind I must know if the Chron's is getting worse, if it might not be the Crohn's, or if I just have too many stressful people in my life. 

There were some perks to the day, though, and as I always say an attitude of gratitude is the only way to live: 

* I spent time with my favorite girls, even with a pointless meeting thrown in the day.

* Maddie, Avery and I got colored hair today. Pink AND Purple. We had to get blonde hair 1st.

*I am abundantly blessed with a loving, hard working husband. 

* I finished off the day with my new favorite drink: Cranberry Pomegranate. YUM. 

* Tomorrow I have the day off. I have the next day off, too. And the next 5 weeks, as well. 

"I thank God for my handicaps, because through them I have found myself, my work, and my God." ~ Helen Keller

Marital Bliss

As I sit down after a long run, sipping a protein shake, giving myself a facial and beginning to watch He's Just Not That Into You, I continue to think of something my friend, T, said in a twitter message: "marital bliss" 

Ironic that this is the name of my post and I'm watching this movie? Life cracks me up sometimes. :) 

So, as you know Jason and I have been married a little less than a month. I'm not sure that I ever truly experienced bliss with anyone before him. Sure, I thought I did with a, b, c, and d, but truthfully, what Jason and I share is really unexplainable. 

- No, boys don't say mean things to us if they like/love us

- No, boys don't avoid us because we're "more successful" than they are

-No, he doesn't like us so much that he's waiting 4 days to call

-No, it's not because he's never had a serious relationship or b/c he's just getting over one

Why do we lie to each other? Obviously, if we're telling someone that, we are trying to comfort them and not make the truth so hard to take. Wow. It is what it is, ladies. 

We need to be looking for those men that are into us as much as we are into them. 

I'm definitely going to sit Madison and Avery down and add this to the list of things they must know as women. 

-------------------------------------------

So, marital bliss. 

Yeah, it really is. Though, it doesn't feel any different than before. And there are times when I find myself hesitating to tell anyone about it because I don't want to make them gag. My friend (I'll call her "Goose") explained it this way: 

"Really going to miss my Joe next week. I know people say it's not healthy to be this attached, but I think those people are just miserable in their marriages. LOL!"

Goose and Joe have been married 4 years and are one of my favorite couples on earth. It's easy to see and feel the love they share. It is heart-warming to be that close to love.

Goose and Joe share something that Jason and I know all about. 

I have never had so much fun with a person in my life. Jason makes me laugh all the time. And most of the stuff that makes us laugh, no one else would find worthy of even a smirk. 

It is hard being away from him for even hours. It feels strange to not be close to him. For months were hours away from each other. We spent so much time talking on the phone at first, that you would faint. Although, this was really a great thing, because we were able to cut out the BS and really get to know each other. Of course we do spend time apart, but it doesn't mean that we both wish we could be doing everything together. 

I feel more safe with him than anyone. Growing up, I sort of just began leaning on myself and not really relying on others. I didn't trust them. I knew I could trust me. With Jason, though I know that I'm safe. No matter what. Not just physically, emotionally, etc. I'm safe to not be perfect. I'm safe to be silly. I'm safe to be risky. Safe to say things I've never said to anyone else. I'm safe to learn new things. I'm safe to continue exploring who I am. I'm safe to not have all the answers. I'm safe to recognize my faults and fix them. I can be freaking out and take one look into his eyes and be as calm as ever. 

No expectations. For the first time in my life, I decided from the start that I would NOT place any unreasonable expectations on our relationship. I don't mean the basic expectations of a relationship, but I'm talking about the ludicrous, absurd expectations that many of us put on another person. The weird thing is that not placing those unreasonable expectations on our relationship actually made us stronger. Who knew?

Like Me. I often say that Jason is the guy version of me. He loads his burgers with ketchup and mustard and dips his fries in the mustard. He likes driving around. He loves going out for coffee. He only likes going to movies that he knows he will like. He is a mult-tasker. He enjoys almost every music genre and knows the exact same songs I use to listen to while growing up. He references items in the same wording that I did when I was little. He's not afraid to take risks. He doesn't allow what people think to run his life. He's so much like me, that it floors me sometimes. 

I often wondered if a guy like Jason existed. As a girl, I had this vision of the relationship I wanted. I wanted the puppy dog, first love, best friend, passionate kind of love all wrapped up in one. Don't we all? 

But as time went by, that vision was restructured by every relationship I ever had. And somewhere along the way I lost the initial vision. 

It took 32 years, but I've never been more sure of anything in my life. 

He's definitely as into me as I am into him. ♥